Behind The Filter

From the moment the sun peeks through the clouds reflecting on the windows of her penthouse. The moment her manager steps into her room with a cup of her favourite slimming tea.

"It's a new day, sunshine", her manager would sing with her sonorous voice. Handing her the cup of tea.

"Let's bag more money and endorsements" she would reply, taking a quick sip that awakens her fully for the day

To the outside world, she was living her best life. But deep down, there was this tiredness she never talks of.

Her day was typically dressing up in designer wear and shoes, then clicking-clack from her shiny polished penthouse floors into her luxurious cars waiting to drive her to world-class studio booths, taking pictures for renowned brands who could afford to pay for her services. Then, later in the day she would post the pictures on her wall for her hundreds of followers.

She would then sit back and relax with an iced coffee as she smiled at the hundreds of comments popping in, with her skin glowing under the filter she’d perfected.

"Perfecto," she would whisper to herself as she swiped through her from her media pages, reeling in the likes and affirmations. To her emails, through the streams of endless endorsement offers.

She lived for the likes and comments. Single-handedly, she had built an Influencer lifestyle she so craved for.

Today, she had just sealed a deal with a beauty brand overseas after a Zoom meeting with agents from the brand. She was all smiles and ready to go celebrate with her manager when a knocked at the door.

"Must be our order. I'll get it." She said to her manager, "Just grab my bag and meet me downstairs", she said, walking to the door, her fingers brushing through her perfectly styled hair.

But as she got to the door and opened it, standing, there was someone she hadn't seen since her sixteenth birthday. Her mother.

"Hi Nia," her mother said with a shaky voice that was barely audible

Nia felt her heart crawl to her stomach. She stood there speechless, looking at her mother, who had changed a lot. Her skin looked pale and worn. Her clothes were barely hanging on her body. And as usual she reeked of cigarettes and alcohol.

"Still killing yourself with these addictions after all these years" was all Nia could say.

"At least let me in, please," her mum pleaded. "I.. I have nowhere else to go," her eyes gathering tears.

Nia stepped back and tried to close the door but her manager was already back with her bag. She held the door open and looked at Nia, who didn't know what else to do but walk into the house, leaving her manager with her mum. Her manager let her mum in, and gently her mum walked over to Nia, who was already seated on the couch in her living room.

"I’m clean now, Nia. I’m trying to get better. I just need some help."

Those words bit Nia hard into her skin. She looked at her mum with rage in her eyes, and she flared, "Help? You left me to die because of a man and your stupid addiction. I needed help but you chose that man and your addiction over me. Now you're back seeking my help?"

Her mother took a step back and broke into tears.

"I'm gonna go and let you two talk," Nia's manager said.

But they ignored her like she wasn't there.

"I was young and stupid. But I'm changed now" her mum replied, tears making her words barely understandable.

Nia tried to control the rage within her. She remembered the echoes of her childhood and how they haunted her sleep for years. How she went to bed on empty bellies, living in the streets and fighting off perverts, wishing that her life would be different at least.

She built this life of make-believe through pretence and lies that her life was great and flaunting it on social media while still living in the slum. All was so she could forget her sufferings. Luckily, one of her posts went viral, and that was how her breakthrough came.

And for years she had lived a life of pretence for her followers. Telling lies just to market products for brands even when she knew those products couldn't do what they claimed to do. As long as she made sales, got paid and never used the products herself, she was fine.

She looked at her mum and when she found no words to reply to her. She left the house banging the door shut behind her.

Days passed and Nia tried to put up the happy smiles she did whenever she was online. But everything seemed to be different now with all that was going on in her life. With every flawless selfie, a picture-perfect meal, a sponsored product she posted she had to force a smile, knowing deep within her that she was selling a lie. And gradually the brands were beginning to tell that something was off.

One day, as she prepared for one of her photoshoots, her mum walked into the room with her bags packed. Nia dropped her makeup and stared at her mum.

"I guess I deserve all I'm getting from you now. And I don't hold it against you. I deserve it." Her mum said. "Looking at you and everything you've built, you're that life I wished to live and I'm happy for you. But it seems like my stay will be a hindrance for you to truly enjoy it, so I'll leave. Thank you for letting me stay these few days" her mum concluded with tears rolling down her cheeks. Then she turned to leave, dragging her bags along.

Nia felt her heart melt. She couldn't explain her feelings. It was a mix of rage, confusion and sympathy all in one. Just at the door, she called out to her mum,

"Wait!"

Her mum stopped and turned around.

"The truth is everything was going fine until you came back to my life", Nia said. "Maybe there is a reason why life gives us a second chance. It gave me one and I think you deserve that too" She paused and walked closer to her mum. "You can stay until we find our way around this" By now, there were tears in her eyes.

That evening, right after her photoshoot. Nia sat in her bedroom thinking of the best write-up for her post. And for the first time in her life, she felt no urge for the filters and pretence. She wanted everything to be real. Finding her exact words she smiled and typed:

“Everything was fine until it wasn’t. I lived with pretence to make it look fine. But maybe ‘fine’ shouldn't be my goal. Maybe 'real’ is better.”

Then she posted it and relaxed. For the first time in years, she was ready to lead a new perception of her reality for herself and her followers.

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