LEAVING BEHIND

When people leave us without saying goodbye, those people who love us and we love so dearly too, it hurts so badly that somehow, just as our body builds immunity to a bacteria it has been infected with once, we also build some sort of immunity too for ourselves by always be prepared for the next person that might leave us. Sometimes it takes a very long time to completely build this immunity but we eventually do and when that happens, we don’t only get hurt, we hurt people too.

When I was just a little girl was when I first experienced someone so dear leaving. I was so pained because it felt like the whole thing was revealed to me before time but still I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. Besides, I was just a little girl of about 5 years old. It was my mum. If I can remember correctly, I think it was on a Friday because we went to school that day. As usual, my mum got us ready for school and took us to school too. I remember she hugged us so tightly as she has never done before.

I didn’t read any meaning to it then. I was excited and I told her to prepare us a particular meal for us before we get back home. She agreed and that was how we parted ways. Fast forward to when we closed from school, I was so pained to realize my mum was not at home neither was the food ready. And then few minutes after we got home, dad came back home all worried. We didn’t know what was happening we just kept looking at my dad and then he asked my aunt who lived with us then to prepare something for us to eat. I remember my dad went out with his bike.

My dad had actually gone out to look for my mum but on his way, he had an accident. He was lucky it was not as serious as it could have been. When my dad got home, I remembered I went to hug him and I saw how he groaned in pain. My heart sank and then I cried. All of a sudden, I felt this whole thing happening again. It happened that all that was a dream, more like a revelation to a 5 year old girl of what will happen and how her whole life will take a new turn.

This time, I was aware of why my dad went out in a haste and even the kind of accident that happened and how God saved him from death. Everything, exactly as I had dreamed of it happened again. I don’t know why I had to see everything first before they actually happened but that didn’t change anything because I still felt the pain of my mom leaving. And ever since then, I learnt the hard way that anyone can leave at anytime. It’s just left for us to find a coping mechanism to keep going.

I’m still very poor at managing the pain of someone leaving. But I see everyone as people that will one day leave. But I try to tell myself to enjoy the moment I spend with them as much as I can when I can. When people leave, it hurts but that is not meant to break us. It only gives us a reason to burn brighter and better.

Thank you for reading through. ❤️