The Flame Of Connection.
Communication is a powerful gift to humans, it's how we can interact, share opinions or express our feelings. As helpful as it has been, many people find it difficult to delve into the depth of meaningful connection through communication. It is one thing I can bank on when it comes to building connections, and even though I am not talkative, I know when and what to talk about at different times.
Every individual has different patterns and styles of communication, and yet, the goal is the same. It's basically about building connections and understanding each other's perspectives. The inability to communicate usually doesn't end up well in many cases, and one typical example was when humans came together to build the Tower of Babel. Everything went smoothly until they weren't able to communicate properly anymore, meaning that without proper communication in any form of relationship, cooperation is impossible. There won't be growth without cooperation and in the end, things would likely fall apart.
I have been thinking a lot lately regarding the reason for many young broken marriages, and one problem I see at the centre of this problem is the lack of genuine communication. It's not like these people in relationships don't talk, they do but make some petty mistakes like speaking about things at the wrong time, trying to win an argument, speaking about what doesn't matter and many more.
In relationships, genuine communication is crucial because it can reveal so many things. With it, you can see through people, who they really are, their values and others. When I met my wife over a decade ago, a lot of people said to my face that she was way above my league. I didn't deny it, but through communication, I realised that she's not who or what people think. She's natural, humble, and kind, and every behaviour she puts up around people is to appear tough so nobody disrespects or looks down on her.
It's good to pay attention to action, but don't ever ignore words. The importance of having those deep conversations early can't be quantified, and waiting until a certain time might really be a terrible mistake. Staying quiet when you should speak might make you look mature, responsible and reserved, but for how long, especially when you have so much to say and a lot of questions to ask.
I was out with a colleague to get a TV, and he was accompanied by his fiancée. All through our time there, she was just there going about with us, and I was forced to ask why she didn't say anything, because her opinion counts.
My friend immediately said, "What does she know?" and I didn't like the statement. I had a quick conversation with the lady, encouraging her to always express herself, and she said it's not just her thing anymore. She enjoys tightening bonds through communication, but her previous relationship forced her to be a quiet person.
I see many people make the mistake of staying quiet because they are still dating. Their intention is to start speaking after marriage, it's like getting what you want before showing who you really are. Unfortunately, marriage doesn't work that way, and every discussion you want to have must start from the very first hello.
There's a need for open discussion in relationships. When you start having discussions you can't hold with your spouse, something is not right. For instance, if I couldn't speak to my wife about my finances because she is a legend when it comes to mismanaging funds. It's impossible that I am just finding out after we got married because we must have talked a lot about our financial lives while dating and courting.
I know having some types of conversation is not something a lot of people do due to their upbringing, culture, society standards, beliefs and others. But the truth remains that talking about everything can help and could have saved so many relationships.
It's not just about preventing breakups because having proper communication can prevent you from going into a relationship that wouldn't work in the first place. I encourage people to speak about everything, work, finance, relationships with others and every other thing you can talk about.
Ah, you mirrored a lot in here what I've experienced through my life.
My wife, is in another league compared to me. When we met she was a teacher, had her own business in the past, lived abroad, experienced, mature -- her roots and upbringing were in another world compared to me.
I was just a young man coming out of a reckless youth, retraining, learning the ropes -- I guess what she saw in me was a man that was trying.
Anyway, through that I learned all these things you talked about through her -- speak early, because you don't know what you're getting yourself into!
I liked that you noted that about your friend -- I've never been around quiet women, it would jar me also to have a man speak like that in front of her. But sometimes it's best let the seeds grow themselves.
Good post, I loved it :)
I know quietness doesn't define people but being too quiet when you should speak makes me very uncomfortable. I have never been in a relationship with a quiet person too and it helped me to know when to gently walk away from a lady.
Genuine communication can do a lot in a relationship and like I mentioned, it's not just about preventing broken relationships. It can prevent us from getting in something that won't work.
this is such a complicated subject and so many factors come in to play.
if it was that easy.
i dont agree on the fact that we have to share everything, it could easily become a trash can of negative emotional release.
as much as we love and care, we all have work within to do and its very personal.
our demons only talk to us and we must be careful to not spill the glass for lack of self responsability.
That's a huge point too, I agree with people having to deal with some things personally. Everyone has those moments and even when I have been through it, sharing doesn't mean I am trying to push the struggle or stress to my wife, sometimes I just need ideas or motivation.
We do these with each other so it doesn't feel like we are transferring any form of negativity...
You have said it all. The importance of communication in literally anything can’t be overlooked. I know the Bible say we should be slow to speak but quick to hear but a lot of persons interpret this as not speaking at all but that’s not true.
After listening to some speak, it’s only natural to have a contribution, a question or an observation as these things prove that you actually listened when this person was speaking.
The idea of bottling up during courtship and planning to pour it out after marriage is a lot of mistakes people make and that’s why most marriages don’t work these days. We are humans, not super humans. The only way we can know what the next person is thinking about is if they speak out.
This is needed to ignite the flames in a lot of relationships. Thank you so much for sharing, buddy. ❤️
You just explained it even better, the importance of communication can't be quantified and the earlier we embrace the gift the better for us. I strongly believe that proper communication can expose so many things about people and it's just another thing that helps build a strong relationship.
Yeah. A lot of person bottle things up for too long and that makes it hard for them to just communicate. They will only keep struggling with those things almost all through their lifetime.
That’s why these days people only endure marriage or pull out.