I Am A Slave To Debt!
Image SourceIt's not my joy sharing my financial bondage and frustrations here but the truth is, I am losing it, although no one is realizing it but I can feel that my worries and sleeplessness are telling on my mental health and physical appearance. I can not seem to understand myself anymore, many days I have to force myself to sleep and on several occasions, I have had to leave the house to stay with a friend because my thoughts are making me lose consciousness. I constantly get migraine every day because I can not help but think of a way forward out of this debt situation I have lost focus, and motivation on the plans I had for myself this year to even keep pressing forward or even have faith because we are four months gone and I am yet to clear my debt and I have a lot of responsibilities staring at my face.
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I won't even go into the details about the pound of weight I have lost since the beginning of this year and how many times I have to stitch so many of my dresses before wearing them. I have been asked questions like "Are you sick" and I am like "No" any problem? And I see the person giving me a weird stare because I smile and look very happy with no worry about the question while answering this question.
The burden of being a slave to debt is no fun because nothing feels at home to me, I feel lost and empty, I have applied for jobs but I am yet to be called and I wish to start up a business but have no income forthcoming.
Most days, I look at the mirror and tell myself I look older than my age and that is because I am not enjoying my youthful age due to the responsibilities that come with being the firstborn and only girl child of a family that has no steady source of income worst about., my younger brothers aren't helping out with this responsibility because they feel they have needs for their money which I do not doubt about.
I mean, we all have personal needs but then, I make sacrifices to put food on the table and meet other needs that require finances and I had hoped that one day, they will get to help me out, I guess that is never going to come because it is obvious they are not cut out for other people's responsibility.
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I mean, this wasn't my plan, I had plans to boost my account by following @shanibeer and @eddie-earner saving plans to save every week but unfortunately, I am lacking behind because I have to withdraw now every week just to clear off the pile of responsibility on my shoulder. I smile just to make people feel everything is alright for my kind of person who never likes to disturb people especially if it concerns my need because I feel everyone has got their problems to settle and does not owe me anything, I feel so sad, depressed and frustrated about everything.
There are days and weeks I go without doing a post, not because I do not wish to because my head is so occupied with so many thoughts that are sapping my energy and I have no energy to think of what to write, funny enough I have stared at my blog for the hundredth time and read through other people's post but not gotten anything to write about, not even a comment to leave on these people's article to show I was there.
I can't even tell how I got into this mess, but all I know is that it is eating me up alive and giving me reasons not to be happy and to be frustrated. How do I tell someone that I am in debt of 100,000 and do not even know where to start from coupled with the family responsibility I am shouldering, how? I don't know where or how I got things all wrong, staring at my bank balance that is reading red and my notepad showing how the source of my debt came about, shows me I am in a big mess.
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I am so sorry this is happening to you ... but REMEMBER: your younger brothers are responsible as well. Pay ONLY YOUR SHARE for a week, and see whether your family will hold them to account. If things fall apart, THEY FALL APART and everyone is responsible, as opposed to only YOU falling apart while others are comfortable. YOU have important things to do with your money as much as your brothers do. YOU have a right to your life TOO. If your family is going to let your younger brothers just slide, then that's on THEM.
Also consider: some communities on Hive curate quite regularly. Don't give up here. Every little bit helps.
Thank you so much, I never thought about this, I am going to be doing just that.
I guess I am yet to know those communities.
Thank you for your encouraging words, I will keep that in mind.
Hello @carlynn. I hurt for you. I hurt because I have been in the same situation you are in now. Family IF you let them, will let you shoulder all responsibility while they sometimes back away. They do this KNOWING you are a responsible and caring person. It's sad to see and be a part of this. I KNOW. For too many years, I allowed (yes you allow it) my family to place responsibilities on me that should have been shared equally. I'm the one who ended up with debt piled high above my head, drowning in my sorrow. The problem: SAYING "NO".
When I learned to say no, I discovered others' problems miraculously solved themselves without my full load. This is what I did, and it may not work for everyone, but I've felt better for quite many years now:
STEP BACK. Paid my portion only. Stopped allowing others to make me feel guilty for not shouldering the entire responsibility. There will be criticism, back-stabbing, and God knows what else you will hear. IGNORE IT ALL. Pray and know that you've done your part.
DIG YOURSELF OUT FROM UNDER THE PILE. Slowly it happened. It took me 10 years to erase $100,000 worth of debt. YES, a staggering amount that went primarily to others helping them out. It's so easy to accumulate: 10 credit cards with $10K/each credit limit. Been there. And it feels like hell putting it down on paper. I did the following:
a) created a chart, listing all debt and amounts to be paid.
b) called creditors and arranged new payment terms.
c) don't skip payments. As long as you pay a small amount on it, you are doing OK. Just don't skip payments or ignore the debt. I would write a check for $5.00 to pay on a debt.
d) paid minimum amounts until I could pay more; or paid the interest only so debt wouldn't increase.
FELT BETTER SEEING SMALL RESULTS EACH YEAR. Don't concentrate on the total amount of debt. Concentrate on your efforts to meet your obligations and feel good that you are responsible.
LOOK AT BIGGER PICTURE AND OTHER OPTIONS. Some people simply file personal bankruptcy as a way to force creditors to give you a chance. This is not an option for everyone. Numerous criteria should be considered. How you go about it takes financial advice from a trusted and professional financial advisor.
a) I didn't go that route. I dealt with it myself. My motto: I got myself into it, and I'll get myself out. Just letting you know this was an option that was pointed out to me.
IF NO CURRENT OFFLINE EMPLOYMENT, then:
a) Write quality posts on Hive as often as you can. Be authentic with good content. I know sometimes you may not feel like it.
b) Allow Hive to help you. Enter contests each week. The LMAC Community has a weekly collage contest that's fun and rewarding. I strongly suggest you take a look at it. This week's contest is currently underway, and ends on Monday. There is a weekly MEME contest. The bottom line is that, you may not win a contest; however, you will have written a post which will earn you some rewards. Also, vote and comment as often as you can on contest you like.
d) SATURDAY SAVERS CLUB. You mentioned you weren't able to save. Don't worry about that right now. You can't save what you don't have. If by chance you do have a small amount in rewards, then you can save that. Don't look at the weekly chart. Do what you can and have available.
NEVER BE ASHAMED. Anytime you think you're in bad shape, there are others in worse shape than you. We all make mistakes or get in over our head. Holding it inside eats away at you. Mental and physical manifestations can occur because you are hurting at being in that position and no one to help you as you helped them.
Take care. I hope this helps in some small way. Have a good rest of your weekend.
Thank you so much for your advice and I will work on those to make sure I am stable financially and health-wise.
LMAC, please can I get a full meaning of that, so I can check the community up?
Let's Make a Collage. I try to participate each week in their collage contest. Check out my PROFILE. The deadline for submitting your entry each week is Monday, 23:59 UTC.
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Got into some bad debt last year. I am about a $100 away from clearing it. So I understand what it means to be in your shoes. My advice to you is not to lose yourself in your bit to take on responsibilities that aren't truly yours. You know what I am talking about. It certainly will not be easy but you have to for your sanity and your finances.
Try engaging in more contests and making new connections here. I think you can earn enough here to cater for your monthly expenses. Hope you get your life back on track, Cheers!
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Wow, thank you so much for this advice, I hope to write about my victory story one day.
I won't forget this in a hurry.
Oh dear! This is a tough position to be in. I've read the comments and you've got useful advice here already.
Please don't lose motivation in posting here since you actually get rewards here that might help with paying back your loans to an extent.
Thank you very much, I won't.
Hello @carlynn, I'm sorry to hear you are having such troubled times. Like @nonsowrites, I have been there and know how challenging it can be. You are already starting to help yourself: writing down and getting a clear picture of your commitments and debts is one of the first steps. You are posting regularly, and I see that you attracted a couple of big votes in the past fortnight - that's another step in the right direction.
It sounds like you have some other family things to sort out, too. Saturday Savers Club is somewhere where you could get some support to work out how you can deal with this. The Club is not just about saving: it is about getting to a better financial and economic state. There are other people in the Club with debts or who are struggling to make ends meet. That might be where you want to do some work in the Club: sorting out your debts and which ones are truly your responsibility.
Thank you @shanibeer for always coming through for me whenever I look for a helping hand, and I wouldn't mind having you as a mentor here who will help me to get on my feet, I really need your help.
Yeah, I was able to get a good upvote this past few days and I have been trying to take a baby step in meeting my HBD savings even though I am behind but I am happy I can take such steps.
I hope you don't mind helping me around here?
Hello @carlynn, come and see us in the Saturday Savers Club, there's lots of people to support you there 😍.
I guess you know that in #dcc we don't only tag people, but promote their content and quote the part we liked.
Wow, I thought it was only when we post in the community that we get to do that?
Sorry, I never knew it was applicable even when the tag is used.
I'm sorry you are going through this! I have been there too and it really does take a toll on your health and well-being! It looks like you got some good advice and I agree with @deeanndmathews - I would be having a serious talk with your brothers that they need to help out. It isn't fair if it's only you that shoulders this burden. If they are earning money then they can help, too.
I wish you much luck and a relief from your worries and stress! !LUV
Thank you for your encouragement, I hope they get to know these.