I'm a 35-Year Old Underachieving Failure In Life - Get Your Sh*t Together #4
I'm a 35-year old underachieving failure in life. Tell me what I ought to do.
u/SteadfastEnd,
Just got fired from my job weeks ago for failure to meet quotas (a job I'd been working for 12 years.) In an less-than-happy relationship right now, still a virgin (due to a fundamentalist Christian upbringing, lots of hang-ups about sex), have little savings, still Chinese-illiterate (despite having lived in Taiwan 11 years and trying hard to read the characters,) sleep very poorly (I usually can't fall asleep until 3 AM no matter how early I go to bed,) all in all pretty miserable about life. I have OCD and ADHD and still live with parents due to the tough financial situation, as ashamed as I am about that.
I do have potential - people keep telling me I'm a talented musician, I will soon have 2 masters degrees, and I did test into Mensa a decade ago, but my life is a long series of blunders, waste and mistakes. I'm high IQ but low wisdom.
I've been considering taking psilocybin because I'd heard it often gives people the harsh-but-necessary reality check look at their lives and themselves and leads to drastic improvement. But a family genetic history of schizophrenia and bipolar make it dangerous for me to try that drug.
My current plan is to just apply harder for jobs, work harder, exercise more, sleep more, eat healthy, etc. But anyone have any other advice or things I may have missed?
Dear SteadFastEnd,
First, I’m sorry for the difficulties you’re having. Losing a job of 12 years would be a challenge for anyone. Work’s so important to people’s lives. When we lose a job we can also lose a sense of purpose.
I’ve been reading a lot of these types of posts and what they have in common is they are long lists of past regrets.
The thoughts we think, and the words we speak about ourselves, are a bigger indicator of future success than anything from the past.
The past is in the past. Leave it there.
Let me share an example with you…
Stock and cryptocurrency traders use moving averages to time their trades. Moving averages are powerful tools that, if used correctly, can make a trader a lot of money. They aren’t perfect though.
Moving averages are created from historical data. It doesn’t matter if you use a 200-day moving average or a 1-minute moving average. It will only show what’s already happened.
A moving average can fool a novice into thinking they can predict the future with it. But past performance doesn't guarantee future results.
A moving average only shows the trend and a trend isn’t destiny. The trend of your life is not your destiny either. It will feel that way though if you live in the past.
Here’s an exercise that might help you let go. Write down all your regrets on a sheet of paper. When you’re done, set the paper on fire and let it all go.
After you’ve done that, change the words you use to describe yourself. You called yourself…
A 35-year old underachieving failure in life.
But you also said you’re a talented musician who’s close to having two master’s degrees. I suggest building a self-description around that. A 35-year old underachieving failure wouldn’t be either of those things.
Exercising more, applying to jobs, and sleeping are all good things. Taking psilocybin is a personal choice. You have to decide what’s best for you.
But you must eventually accept yourself for who you are. I can’t tell you who you are. But I can tell you who you’re not.
You aren’t your parents. You aren’t the religion you grew up in, and you aren’t your past. Choose who you want to be right now. Now is all we have and it’s all there is.
Just for today is a saying used in recovery. It works because you can give up anything for one day. Then when tomorrow becomes today, tell yourself just for today. You can also choose to be happy just for today. Today’s all you have anyways so give it a shot.
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I love the reply you gave out. Though, I may still be very young and never experienced more about life but one thing I have always believed is that we should always be grateful for who we are and not complain because we haven't achieved what we have set out to do. The Bible says count your blessings..... The person should count his or her blessing and forget about the past.
Just as you have said..... Writing those regrets out and throwing them in fire and let all go.. that is indeed a good advice and the more a person dwells on his or her past or regret, the bigger the chance to keep looking less at yourself and seeing yourself as a failure.
I popped in through Dreemport 🤗
Thank you for the amazing comment. I agree he should count his blessings. It's so easy to focus on the negative and forget about the blessings we've been given.
We shouldn't allow that take our gaze away from appreciating what we have presently.
I am glad you appreciate my comment too. God bless 🙏
@princessbusayo
Thank you so much, Sam 🥰
I don't think there is anyone in this world whose lufe is without some mistakes and failures. As we move on, our future depends on how we remember those things, whether our focus is on building our strengths our just keep on regretting about failures.
I have come to the term that we are our thoughts. Whatever we think our lives start moving in that direction. The reason is simply our focus. Our thoughts decide our focus, our focus our interpretation, the interpretation decides further action and cycle goes on.
You have given good advice. I think this person needs to have positive people around him. Our surrounding people have a lot to do with our mind-set designing.
Popped into your post via dreemport
Well said. The only thing that focusing on past mistakes creates is more mistakes, regret, and unhappiness. You have to focus on creating a better future.
Indeed. We can choose what we want to be.
I agree with your advice. And also instead of focusing on his failures, why not count all his blessings in life. Every day we received some if we only open our eyes to it. Counting our blessings every day is one of the things that help me to be satisfied and happy in life.
Thank you for the comment. And I agree with you. Counting your blessings, focusing on the positive, and gratitude changes your life.
Loved this. I think we all sometimes struggle and we underestimate ourselves. But ultimately who we are and what we are is our decision, with open mind. Peace ☮️✌️
Thank you for the comment! I'm glad it had meaning to you.
Great response post, @ascendingorder! I love that you extracted two different personas out of Steadfastends post and showed clearly how it is best to focus on one over the other. You brought real to the table, shared perspective, pointing out the impossibility of someone with such success in life being a failure. Good advice to destroy all that negativity and move forward with life ...
I dropped in from Dreemport this evening.
#dreemer for life
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Thank you @samsmith1971! I appreciate the supportive comment.
This is very good advice. The way we see ourselves can't be overemphasized. Words have power and we have to be intentional about the way we use our tongue.
I can relate to her lamentations!
It's haunting her so badly that she couldn't see the good side of what she has achieved! Fighting herself over many failures and yet she's alive! Being grateful is the priority right now!
Age is just a number although knowing fully well that we grow everyday, sometimes we don't know whom we are until there are series of test passed. I urge her to be happy with herself and who she is because that's a way to fight depression and failure. Embracing her failures would only give her access to rewrite her history. Peace and Love!
Very good points. Thank you for the comment!
We should never think of ourselves as failures. When one door closes, another opens.
Yes, failure is necessary to succeed. There's no success without failure. Thanks for the comment.
@Dreeport directed me here again the past is already in the past which you should leave behind and forge ahead for the future
God's willing all will be achievable 🙏
Failure is indeed not the end of it all we need to keep trying to succeed so sorry dear for the bad experience wishing you the very Best in Life 🙏
Nice Advice from you
There's no success without failure. You just have to keep taking action. Thanks for the comment.
Indeed we have to keep trying for the very Best 🙏
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