The Longest Middle I Have Ever Stood In

The crossing is not yet arriving; neither is it leaving. It is that space within me when some things still feel very uncertain at the moment and both sides still feel equally distant from one another.
And in that space, I have been standing longer than I ever imagined.

I was making some type of decision like two years ago based on what I think is acceptable to people around. That was a version of me back then. Not because I was afraid or something.
But I was doing it out of this very old habit that looks so much like my personality. But neither did I know that all I had been doing was just a mere performance until I got so tired of keeping on with it.

I had a shift in me back then that I began to take online work seriously. It was not something announced or a dramatic thing. It was just a moment of realization that I decided to choose myself over the opinion of others, all in the name of entertaining them.

That choice I made looks so powerful in a way that I can't explain because nothing has really changed yet. I was still in the crosswalk, still somewhere between the old me and the new me I was slowly walking towards. Though I am yet to arrive. But I am not on a point. And that is way far better than I could say before.

Thank you for reading.

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