Everything I Said I Was Fine About

There is this version of me that most people, if not everyone, usually see first. Managing, easy going, calm, figuring it out. Those versions are not fake, nor are they perfect, either. Moderately. What gets cut before public attention is the part where I have sat down with real confusion about whether any of those things really work, whether all the motive I am putting into things no one can see yet is delusional or normal calculation.

Most people read energy wrongly here. Some will see struggle as a lack of faith or being weak. The usual testimony that most people usually put on is to say that they went through something different and God sent help their way, and that is the proof. The middle line is the months when there seems to be no solution and one just stays awake all night doing some calculations and strategizing that hardly have a clear way out; those are not supposed to be shared. So most of us just move on with it.

What I am actually trying to pass across is that there's a low chance of building something solid in this country where everything is harder than it should be, and it gets worse on a daily basis, which makes it heavier sometimes. Not stopping me. Not devastating. It's just so painful and overwhelming in a way that even before I opened my mouth to talk, it should be named. And I never even say that part out loud now. Maybe until now, at least.

Thank you for reading.

_{Images created by Gemini AI}