My Struggle With Rhythm

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First, it started with drums. In church at that time they bought new drum sets for the toddler department. And the more I watched them play it the more I wanted to learn. You see, the thing is, I have always been inclined to music. So one day after church, there were just a few left, and everyone was playing with the drums. When it was free, I thought, okay, I always watch them playing the drum and imagine myself playing it, and I mounted the drum. It was then I found out I had a problem; I couldn't keep the rhythm because it was like I couldn't keep my attention divided.

I couldn't concentrate or focus my attention on multiple places. If I was using my right hand, all my attention was on that hand, so even if I managed to play with both hands and use my leg for the bass, my left hand, and leg would always be late, or sometimes it would be like they get confused and I would lose the rhythm. I didn't just give up after my first try; I tried every Sunday and even had one boy try teaching me, but still, it was to no avail.
Actually, the harder I pushed, the more frustrated I got, and at a point, I just gave up.

Then in school, I said okay, since one person doesn't have to play the whole set why don't I try, for every drum that needed both hands to be played the frustration was equal to that of trying to play a complete drum set, the only one I could play was the bass because it required just one hand, but still I hardly got picked to play it because I still had a problem with the flow and some boys were better at it. At one point, I just gave up on the dream of having drumming skills.

The next thing I moved on to was the violin. We visited my uncle and his daughter attended a fancy school where they taught them music, and she played the violin, but the visit was just for a couple of days, so it didn't really go far. I didn't have time to try hard, but I did try. My siblings tried and at least they were picking up, but me? Let's just say it wasn't clicking. That was the second musical instrument down. So I just gave up.

The next time I really had an interest in playing musical instruments was in boarding school when there was a trend of students with recorders. I tried that one, too, and keeping my fingers in rhythm was still a problem; I got frustrated and let it go. And every time, I didn't even bother telling my parents because I knew they wouldn't even take it seriously. If they did, they would oppose me and tell me to concentrate on my books. It's not like I wanted to leave my studies or anything; I just wanted to have those musical skills because it is something I like and something I want to be doing. After all, I like it.

Then finally in my ss2, our school introduced music as a subject for us, we started simple piano lessons, and I had a good feeling that this time I was going to get it, although I even found it hard getting through the simple “do re mi” lesson, I was still positive and ready to try. But unfortunately, my fraudulent school, after making parents pay for the so-called compulsory music class, didn't even let us pass the first step, the “do re mi" lesson, before they stopped the classes.

But I haven't totally given up yet. I did some research, and it looks like I have serious coordination problems not only with music; I know the letter positions on a keyboard from my computer lessons back then, but till now, I can't type with more than two fingers. I have told myself when I am able enough in the future I will probably get a music therapist and find a way to go about my coordination problem.

So far, I would say that is the skill hardest for me to date because I have other things I struggled with, like cycling and swimming, and many others, but eventually, I made progress with them. But this one is something I have been stagnant in and want so bad for so long, till now.