Letting Go of Personal Pressures
At some point in our adult lives, we all begin to have more serious expectations, goals, and aspirations for ourselves. We get a better understanding of how the world works, how stifling poverty is, and the desire to want more out of life starts to become a top priority.
I’ve always had my fair share of personal pressures, and the earliest experience I have is from secondary school. I started out as an intelligent student from nursery to primary school, and I was often called book smart by my teachers, family, and classmates. But getting into a highly competitive and structured secondary school where there were other top performers drew me back a bit. From our continuous assessments to our main exams, the competition was fierce, and whenever I got my results, I realized that I no longer maintained the first position I was used to all my life. Rather, I was falling into the top five category and sometimes top ten, but never the first position.
This hurt me a lot because I felt like I was falling short of my own expectations. Seeing that I had always been a bright student, my dad also placed the same expectation on me, expecting me to maintain that standard throughout my education. So whenever I came back with results where I wasn’t part of the top three at least, I felt very disappointed, like I could have done more, and sometimes I would beat myself up for being unserious with my studies. After all, “the people who took the top three positions do not have two heads.”
This feeling often led me to put in more effort the next term, at the expense of my well-being. I remember I would skip breakfast and dinner sometimes just so I could read quietly in class. I made my dad sign me up for extra lessons and would sacrifice most of my sleep time just to ensure I covered the curriculum. This worked for me a few times, but for the most part, I remained in the top five, which made me feel worse because I was putting in all the effort yet not achieving my goals.
All of this, however, changed when a teacher said something wonderful to us before graduation. She said we were all stars shining in our individual spaces, and when we stepped outside the four walls of our school for higher education, we would realize how a single moment or career was designed for us to shine. She believed we were all brilliant students who were going to do exceedingly well regardless of whatever position we held in class, and that message remained in my heart. When I got into university. I did see and experience the truth in all that she said and it helped me overcome that particular pressure.
These days, the personal pressure I deal with is finding the time amidst my busy schedule, to be present for my friends and family and being able to support them financially when they need me. At this age, I projected that I would have had my life figured out to the point where showing up and assisting others wouldn’t be a big deal because I would have the time and means to do so. But life has its ups and downs, and you come to understand that it doesn’t always go as planned.
Sometimes when I’m asked for a huge financial assistance, I realize that I do not have enough to spare to help them out of their situation, and this puts me in a very bad place emotionally. I begin to beat myself up for not having exactly what they need at that time. Sometimes, I panic and make the financial decision of giving out of pressure. Even after giving, I start to feel anxious about whether or not my assistance will be enough. Many people call this the “savior complex,” which is when a person feels the need to be the savior in every situation regardless of what it might cost them.
Right now, I’m learning to do away with such pressures because I have my own problems that need fixing, and I won’t always be able to be present or financially helpful all the time. I’ve stopped being too hard on myself when people's problems are beyond my control, and I’ve seen how this has helped my mental health greatly. I do hope I continue to learn to live a life that’s filled with less pressure but more understanding and appreciation of the journey into becoming the best version of myself, which everyone eventually gets to benefit from.
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