Children Have No Business Inheriting Family Feuds
Each time I come across somebody who seems to have a disconnected relationship with their extended family, I often wonder what the real problem is because, to be honest, such situations don’t spring up from nothing. There has to be a strong reason for that, even though many onlookers love to give unsolicited opinions on such cases that they know nothing about.
Many people even assume that others are not justified in choosing separation from extended family. They judge them for not choosing peace, and half the time, you notice they’re speaking from a privileged place. Probably they’ve not had to deal with poor treatment and injustice from close family members.
This is why it’s important to remember that no family wakes up one morning to sever a good relationship with another in their family tree. Nobody chooses to bear grudges for many years, so when one does, it simply means that there’s been a trigger. An offense has been committed, and for some people, it cannot be ignored.
For me, I have seen families break off due to disputes over inheritance, power and obvious favoritism from the elders in the family. There are family members who enjoy cheating others or embarrassing them publicly. In such cases, you cannot blame anyone for distancing themselves without considering their relation by blood.
I think we also underestimate the role gossip plays in many family feuds. More than anything, it escalates situations and breaks the peace that once existed. It’s all as a result of family members not knowing how to keep secrets. They share confidential information with others, badmouth some, and eventually, when it gets to the ears of the subject, everything becomes chaotic, and right there, years of conflict begin.
These conflicts often transcend generations. Parents tell their children their side of the story and encourage them never to associate with their extended families, and they listen. While some children see things unfold for themselves and choose never to stay close to such family members, and the cycle continues for ages.
It does break my heart because children are often affected and I believe that they have no business in family feuds unless necessary.
I’ve also had my fair share of experience with broken relationships with extended family. I’ve seen how it changed the dynamic of my relationship with my cousins, who I once shared my childhood with, and that alone has given me enough reasons not to want such an experience for my siblings and me.
Oftentimes, we talk about it and we try to assure ourselves that we won’t let whatever issues we have affect our kids in the future. Same way, right now, we no longer make the issues our parents have with members of the extended family our business.
We still maintain a good relationship with them and celebrate with them too, unless it’s a situation where they’ve committed a grave offense against our parents that cannot be overlooked, and then we make it our problem too.
Other than that, my resolution has been to optimize for a life where my siblings and I never have issues big enough to affect our children. We’re not going to walk the path of our parents when we can do better. The arm of our own extended family that starts with us will experience a full life, filled with love, care and consideration for one another. Most importantly, the will to resolve issues before they become a big problem.
I like to believe we can change things, and that will start by exercising all the restraint and making sure we do everything within our power to make sure our families retain a bond that is unbreakable.
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