Ghosting for Self-Respect

In every relationship, be it with friends, colleagues, or even families, it's normal for us to have misunderstandings between ourselves, and on most occasions we try to resolve them peacefully because it's the right thing to do. However, there are some situations whereby you yourself know within you that the best way forward, especially for you, is to cut ties with such people, and such decisions always depend on the gravity of the situation, so peradventure you decide to ghost someone, it's not always because you don't have a forgiving spirit, but mostly because you want peace of mind, and the best way to get it is when you keep your distance from such people.

You see, I'm the kind of person who loves to make friends, although I can be very picky when it comes to that, so peradventure you evolve from that talking stage to a point where I can refer to you as my friend, it'll be quite disheartening when I see you exhibit some character or traits that I detect in people, and such an act can make me keep my distance from you, which in modern day is referred to as ghosting someone. Through the years I've had to ghost some people I was once close with, and all are for the sake of my peace of mind, because I've analyzed the situation and see that the best way forward is to cut ties with them if I want to be happy and not be resentful each time our path crosses.

Sometime last year the situation that made me have to ghost a friend began. He is a fashion designer who stays in another city far from where I reside, but given the close ties between us, I often just ditch other fashion designers in my city just to patronize my friend. I'm sure you know the popular saying of "patronize your friend" and the like; that was what I was trying to do. even though I know it'll cost me more to patronize him, because I have to pay a delivery agent to give him my fabric, and when he's done, I have to do the same again, that won't have been the case. If I patronize those within my city, I don't mind inasmuch as I'm helping a friend's business.

Apparently he took my commitment to patronizing him for granted, and these kinds of things piss me off, because that wasn't the first time he had been doing it, so I got tired and just stopped talking to him, but one thing led to another, and another friend heard about the issue and had to apologize, so I gave him a try again. This time, in October last year, I told him I needed 5 vintage shirts and would like him to deliver them before the end of the year. so that by this year, 2025, I'd have new clothes to wear to work. I didn't bargain when he named his price, but when it was time for him to deliver, he began to give me stories, and that's how I couldn't get the clothes until March, when the school section had already closed, meaning it took 5 months to sew the clothes.

To be frank, I was very disappointed, and I made my heart known to him, and in the end he apologized with a lot of excuses, and I didn't know what came over me, but I gave him another project to help me sew the suit trousers that I can wear with those trousers, and this time I told him I don't want any delay, but I should have known better because he once again started giving me stories from March up until August. I had to give my babe his number to call, and when he started avoiding my calls, it was only then that I finally got to talk to him. To cut the long story short, he sewed trousers that are far from official, and when I complained to him, he merely replied "brb" and hasn't said a word back to date.

I know it's more like he's the one who ghosted me, but I'm seeing it as I also ghosted him, because these experiences have helped me realize the kind of person he is, and I won't be falling for such again. I've made up my mind not to message him about the clothes, and neither would I patronize him again even if anyone tries to settle the issue, because this matter is beyond once bitten, twice shy; it's more like five times bitten. Overall I don't regret my decision and won't want to settle our difference; I think it's better we maintain our distance.

All photos are mine.