A Past Experience, A Long Silence, A New Beginning

Fear is something we all fear at one point in time or another, and I must say that it's not only we humans that have the emotions; even animals do, and that's why you'll naturally see some animals run immediately when they see a wild thing that could make them their meal. Fear itself is an emotional response to different things, such as uncertainty, threat, danger, or anything we believe can cause us loss or harm. It's more like a part of us telling us to get prepared because things are about to go wrong, and there are different things that can cause fear, some of which are past experience, uncertainty, rejection, failure, and lack of confidence, among many others, to name but a few. I've been afraid too in the past, and today I'd like to share one particular fear I had and how I was able to overcome it.

One of the biggest fears I overcame in recent years has to do with the fear of falling in love and going into a relationship with a lady. I'm sure you'll be wondering why I would have such fear. Well, the thing is that I didn't have that experience before, but I developed it through a past experience that I had in my previous relationship. You see, I was in a relationship with a lady I do much love and adore and despise all the negative comments and opinions I had from those around me about her. I didn't let that be a yardstick to judge her; however, things went south between us for some months after our introduction by both families, and then I decided to pay her a surprise visit because we've been apart for a couple of months.

At the end of the day, on getting to her place, I ended up being the one who was graced with a jaw-dropping surprise that led to us breaking up and going our separate ways. I'm guessing you already know what surprised me. I was graced with a jaw-dropping surprise—well, if you don't know, it's the fact that I cut her pants down with someone else on the day I went to pay her a surprise visit after she had complained about missing me for about three months. It was a devastating sight to behold, and to be honest, I decided there and then that it's over between us, because I believe she has no excuse. The position I met them in didn't show she was being forced. After that experience I began to fear women and going to another relationship, for fear of meeting the same fate, and that's how since we went our separate ways, I didn't go into another relationship for the next five to six years.

It's not like I didn't see anyone I like around those periods; it's just that whenever we begin to get too close, I'd remember my past experience, and the fear would come in again, and when that happens, I'd just back off from anyone I'm close to to prevent falling into the same mistake. But then with time I began to heal from the hurt that the past experience has on me. I also reflected on my life to reach a conclusion that I'm not getting younger and I should make a plan for the sun to shine. If a relationship or marriage is something I want to do in my lifetime, after that reflection and the conclusion of the questions I asked myself, I begin to make amends and start gradually getting closer to ladies with the thought of going into a relationship.

During that period, I met a lot of ladies to be candid, but my previous experience helped me critically examine each person to try and know their personality and capacity. Yes, I know you can't know everyone's character, as they can hide some and some will unfold with time, but then I still do the best I can with what I can see, and that's how I finally overcame that fear, to the point of going into a relationship with my wife. Then we dated, and now we're happily married. Now I don't have that fear again, because I love my wife with my whole being and am sure she has the same feelings towards me, I sometimes, as I reflect on life, can't help but wish we had met earlier than we did.

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