Surrogacy And Boundaries : Who Really Has A Say?.

Surrogacy is one of those topics that will always bring mixed reactions from people, especially here in our part of the world where people still whisper about it like it is some kind of top secret mission, but honestly, I have thought about this thing so many times, especially when it comes to who really has a say after the baby is born.

Now let me just say this straight , in most surrogacy cases, the surrogate is simply just a carrier, so she carries the baby, nourishes the baby with her body, goes through the pregnancy journey, but the genetic material, the sperm and egg, belong to the commissioning couple, so biologically, the baby is not hers, she is just helping to bring someone else’s child into the world.

And in that kind of situation, I honestly don’t think the surrogate should have any rights or final say over the child after delivery, not because she doesn’t deserve respect Nah.. she absolutely does! but because everyone already agreed from the beginning, Papers were signed, medical processes were done, money was paid, boundaries were set too, she knew her role as well, the couple knew their role, too,
so crossing lines later would not be fair at all.

In fact, imagine the emotional stress on the parents if the surrogate suddenly says, " Oya o, Let me decide something concerning the child.” For what reason? First it is not her biological baby, she was paid to help a family that couldn’t carry a child on their own, and she did her part beautifully, but after that, she has to step back, that is just the honest truth.

Oya now let's flip the whole situation around, so there’s another kind of surrogacy where only the sperm belongs to the man, but the egg is from the surrogate, in that case, she is not just a carrier, she is the biological mother, Whether we like it or not, the child shares her DNA, her bloodline, her genes, and anyone who understands basic biology knows that emotional bonds grow naturally in that kind of setup.

So in that situation, I honestly believe there should be more serious legal and emotional considerations, Not because she should come and claim the child o, but because pretending she has no connection at all is unrealistic, At least, the law should acknowledge her biological ties, and proper agreements should be made before any embryo transfer happens, Because once her egg is involved, it is no longer business as usual.

That is why most modern surrogacy uses gestational surrogacy, meaning the surrogate’s egg is NOT used, to avoid confusion, to reduce emotional entanglements. And to make the whole thing straightforward.

But in countries or situations where the surrogate’s egg is used, omo, everybody needs to think well before signing anything, because even if the contract says, You have no right after birth, the biological connection might still create complications emotionally, not legally,but emotionally. And emotional wahala is sometimes worse than legal one.

Me personally, if the surrogate is just carrying the baby and she’s not genetically connected, abeg she shouldn’t have a say in the child’s life, she has done her part, she was compensated, and everyone understood the terms from the beginning, having a say will just bring unnecessary drama for the new parents who are already trying to settle into raising their child.

But if her egg is involved? That one is a sensitive matter, And it should be handled case by case.

At the end of the day, surrogacy is a beautiful thing , it helps families who dream of having children but can’t do it naturally, but it also needs serious legal protection so that nobody will come back later with story that touches the heart.

To me, surrogacy works perfectly when everyone stays within the roles they agreed to from day one.

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