Forgiving And Forgetting ~ Are They Really The Same Thing?.

You know, sometimes I wonder if people actually think that forgiving and forgetting is like one package deal, Like, is there some invisible rule somewhere that says, that “Once you forgive, you must immediately wipe out your brain clean of what happened”? because honestly, I do not think it works like that.

For me, forgiveness and forgetting are like two completely different things, see I can forgive someone , like i genuinely let go of the bitterness, the anger, and even wish them well in their life but forgetting? That is like a whole other level, see ehn my brain does not come with a delete button, or an eraser ,if you hurt me, especially if it is in a very deep way, I might forgive you, but the memory will still be there somewhere.

I remember one time someone betrayed my trust, I will not go into details, but it was that kind of thing that shook me, at first, I was holding onto that hurt so tightly, replaying it in my head like over and over, I wanted to forgive, but every time I saw them or their message , I remembered exactly what happened. Eventually, I did forgive, because just holding onto the anger was just draining me, but forgetting? Nope, I could not act like nothing ever happened because I needed to protect myself from it happening again.

That is why I feel forgiveness is about releasing yourself from carrying that heavy nonsense baggages around, while forgetting is like pretending the baggages never existed in the first place and sometimes, pretending it never existed can be a dangerous thing because you will not learn from the experience.

Now, some people say, “If you truly forgive, you should forget.” I don’t agree, I think it is very possible to forgive someone and still remember what they did not just because you want to hold it against them, but because you do not want to be blindsided again you get?.

Okay now , take family situations for example, maybe your sibling borrowed money and never paid you back, you might actually forgive them for it because, well, family is family, but you will probably think twice before lending them any money again, and that does not mean you are holding a grudge , it just means you have learned from what happened.

And forgetting also does not always happen because of how our brains work, see the thing is pain leaves a mark, especially emotional pain, sometimes, even years later, a random thing will trigger a memory and you will remember how someone made you feel, but the good part is that with time, the memory might lose its sting, and that is how you know you have really moved on ,when you can remember without just feeling the same kind of level of hurt.

So yeah ....For me, moving on does not mean erasing the past, it means accepting that it happened, forgiving the person, and still choosing to live without the bitterness, and If anything, remembering can also help me be more careful, set boundaries, and choose better for myself in the future.

So, is forgiving and forgetting a package deal? Well,it is not in my world, i believe you can have one without the other, I can forgive and still remember, I can forgive and still protect my peace, I can forgive and still keep my distance if I need to, That is not bitterness , that is just wisdom.

At the end of the day, forgiveness is for you, not for them, and forgetting is optional.

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