Helicopter Parenting: Finding the Right Balance

In one word, helicopter parenting means "overcontrol." This means when parents are involved in their child's life excessively, like doing too much without them trying things on their own. There's no doubt parents want the best for their children. They want to be involved in their lives - academically, socially and in making decisions personally. From the first steps to their first day at school and beyond. They desire to guide, protect and support them, and that's part of the roles of parents, except they just want to neglect them to be on their own; not all parents would want that. However, there is a fine line between being an engaged parent and becoming a helicopter parent.

Even though my parents were strict in their disciplines while we were growing up, and while my dad made sure he monitored our movements mostly at schools where he would come around every week to check how we were doing, that only stopped at secondary school and till I graduated from the university, they never showed up.

From the time I gained admission into the university and found my way around every necessary thing, I did that alone. I have seen most parents who would follow their children while they helped them go through the whole registration, settling down in their hostels or getting accommodation outside the school, ensuring everything was done for them before they left. I wouldn't blame them, though, because they are only trying to ensure success.

While the intentions behind such parenting may be good, its effects can sometimes be detrimental. How, then, can parents find the balance? How can they stay involved without being intrusive? And how do they ensure that giving children space doesn't impact them negatively?

Parents who exhibit the behaviour of being overprotective, especially because they want to shield their children from failure and help manage their activities, can hinder the development of critical life skills even though their goal may be to help their children succeed without going through challenges themselves. Children being raised with little autonomy may struggle with making decisions on their own, they would lack the skills to solve problems and stay resilient amidst difficulties. They may also experience anxiety and low self-confidence because they weren't taught to learn how to navigate challenges on their own.

For example, a child who, when failure happens either in academics, friendships or responsibilities and he or she is helped or shielded from it may never develop the perseverance needed to overcome obstacles as he or she is used to getting helped by the parents.

On the other hand, completely stepping back from a child's life - allowing such a child to navigate things on his or her own can cause negative effects. While independence is crucial, children still need to be guided and boundaries should be set. Parents who give too much freedom may unintentionally leave their children feeling neglected. If the right structure isn't provided, some children may find it difficult to maintain self-discipline and accountability.

For instance, parents who don't even check their children's education and progress might result in poor academic performance. Likewise, giving teenagers unrestricted freedom without discussing crucial issues like the risks of peer pressure, sex education or even online safety can leave them susceptible to negative influences.

To find the right balance between being involved and allowing independence for their children, parents need to:

• Encourage independence with supervision: Instead of making decisions for their children, they can guide them to make their own. It's at that point they should be around and available to offer advice while allowing them to go through it and experience the consequences of their choices.

• Set healthy boundaries: It is important to set rules that protect and support children without being too strict or restricting them from exploring on their own.

• Be available and not controlling: Children shouldn't be afraid to get close to them. They need to feel welcome anytime for help, but it's necessary to resist the urge to solve every problem. This is more like listening more and dictating less.

In conclusion, parenting is about equipping children to stand on their own while understanding that they can turn to them as their support system. The goal is not to solve all problems for them but to prepare them to navigate the journey of life with confidence and the necessary life skills.

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