Moving On Without Forgetting: A Realistic Approach
Some days ago, I wrote about forgiveness and how it concerns our well being to a large extent. Practicing self love is also forgiving others to do away with the burden that comes with being unforgiving. I have seen people suffer even more because they failed to forgive others wrong acts.
Honestly, there are cases that forgiveness can be very difficult to give. Like a case of one losing the life of a loved one or faced with a very heartbreaking situation and later the accused is asking to be forgiven. In such case, more effort is required from the wronged to forgive him or her.
Right from my childhood, I've been taught to forgive so I can please God and live well with my neighbors. Even though I didn't understand fully what all that meant, I never struggled to forgive who wronged me and I also think I never had great test of my forgiving spirit so I just forgive.
Forgiving And Forgetting Is Not A Package Deal.
Do I forget the wrongs people have done to me? I'd be lying if I say yes. No matter how little or big a situation is, it's not easy to forget them because that is how we have been designed to be... Humans (not robots). I've only seen people forget things about the past when they fall sick and have memory failure (mostly in the movies).
Forgiving is not same as forgetting what was forgiven, there is this saying in the Bible... "Be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove". This holds a lot of lessons to our lives today and for the matter of forgiving, you're harmless forgiving others and you're wise to not let it happen again.
Just as it is for the Giver who never lacks as they are superior to receivers, Forgivers are more superiors to those being forgiven, it takes a lot to forgive and so we can't say it's a sign of weakness when someone forgives easily. One is free and happy when he or she forgives easily.
But can one forget what they say they have forgiven? No, it's not even possible. And sadly, a lot of people struggle to forgive others because they can't seem to forget what people did to them. They have to realize that they will never forget and so they should forgive and move on.
Not Forgetting & Moving On Don't Really Relate.
It's not pssoible to forget our pasts but it's very possible to live above it, live like it never happened and live better. That's how it should be when we forgive. Don't hold it against them but you should understand not to give them the chance to make such repeat itself another time.
When we forgive, we are giving ourselves that freedom that comes with not holding anything against anyone. But just as we tend not to forget a kindness someone did for us, we also can not forget a bad someone did but we can't always be reminding them and hurting them because of it.
Move on with your life and be wise to not fall prey of same situation again, that's the essence of not forgetting a wrong. We can't control what humans do but we can build ourselves to be able to hold strong when humans do the wrong things to us. But in essence, being forgiving help us win.
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It just lifts a lot of burden off our shoulders to forgive those who've seemingly wronged us. After that, it's much easier to move on with your life and do your own thing. In terms of forgetting, I try to liken it like getting (maybe mildly) burnt by fire. The scar will always be there, even after the injury has healed :)
That's a perfect explanation to what it means to forget, it's quite impossible.
hmmm, you are right. Forgiveness and forgetting cannot go hand in hand, but then the bible made us to understand we must forgive and forget. To me, we can only find a way to forgive, but to forget is not just the way out. It takes a lot to forgive not even talking about forgetting. We can only forgive and refrain from retaliating. although most people are just temperament. They would want to retaliate even after forgiveness.
The Bible didn't say we should forgive and forget but God promised He would forgive and not remember our sins. God is God but we are not God and so it's impossible to forget. Just forgive is all that is asked of us, not using a past action decide our present actions is the best we can do.
Forgetting something is one kind of ridiculous thought. I think there is no way to erase memory of the past. Even if there is something better in the past it must be remembered. In case of forgiving, I think it's the choice and no one are bound to forgive.
Believers of God are bound to forgive because they pray for forgiveness too. It's harder to get what you find hard to give. 🙂
But God also doesn't forgive every sin. God said to forgive to maintain peace. Not for shielding the sinners. So, it depends on the sin or wrong act of the person. If you forgive, the same person will do the same thing for others, and you will be a sinner also because you let him go without punishment. Forgiveness is a great virtue, but not everyone doesn't deserves it. Everyone is saying the same, so I am trying to see it from a different perspective. I just try to be different.
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This! Forgetting and moving on are two very different things. And I wouldn't advice anyone to force herself to forget. As long as you forgive the rest is just automatic
Yeah, it takes time to heal even if you forgive easily.
Forgiveness is devine🙏🙏
Indeed.