Loving Without Hovering: Navigating The Fine Line In Parenting
I don't know what to compare parenting to, its just too delicate, it takes carefulness with very great attention. The thing is, sincerely, we love our kids with everything. Its just that we want to be part of everything about them, their decisions, we want to know who they mingle with, who they befriend, where they are going, what they are doing, and if possible, their thought. It’s like our minds are just wired that way to brood over them or secure them like a security guarding a bank, scanning for danger. To us it is love and not helicopter parenting..smiles.
My mum is the overprotective type. She holds my hand when we cross the road, even when I am old enough to cross, she would help with my assignment, she would call when am not home, she would come check on me in my room if I did not step out early, she would bring me my food, she would ask who am calling and what we were discussing, she notice every slight change in my mood or anything, she would never want to hear or know that am sick. It felt really cool then, but as time goes on, it looks choking, I want to breathe, I want to make my own decisions too, I want to make my own choices and all, though, looking back now, she was just trying to protect me from the world, but it also left me confused and unsure of how to handle things on my own when I finally had to.
As adults now, we also are falling into same thing, we find ourselves doing same thing our parents did without even realizing it. We want to protect them from every evil and harshness of the world. Here comes the question, are we really protecting them or just building walls that make them feel/look helpless when they step out into the real world? The need and our idea of scrutinizing every single thing is actually way over, whereas we think we are helping them, but we are actually clipping their wings without knowing.
Though, we understand, its just that there's the fear of giving them too much space and find them making terrible mistakes/decisions. Both offline and online, danger lurks, in the blink of an eye, things might go wrong, and we don't ever want to be tagged or feel incompetent or as failed parents. And thathat is the thin line we do trip over, we don't want to fail as parents and we want to give them room to do things too.
Balance is always the key, we can be present in their life without being a burden or being to overwhelming, I believe too much of everything is bad, we can be protective without being overprotective, we can guide them instead of deciding for them, we can correct them in a way that won't seem suffocating, we can't choose friends for them, we can just teach them values and good morals, we shouldn't solve and offer solutions to every problem, we should allow them think and find solutions atimes too, we should allow them fail, make mistakes and all at some point.
There's a way to do that, be your children's closest friend, be someone they can confide and converse with, we shouldn't struggle to talk with them, honestly. It is not an already made bridge we need to build one, we should ask them how they feel, what they think, their opinion, their fears, we shouldn't just be all about commanding and instructing, we should listen too. Theres the need for out children to know that their opinion matters too and this way they fell free and safe to come to us and safe things with us.
Then again, trust is important, we should trust our own upbringing and the good morals and values we have instilled in them, we should trust that they can fall but definitely know how to get back up. Not that we are turning a blind eye, but we are just allowing them to be them, we are allowing them to fly and see, while we are there as a safety net.
Even when they mess up, cause as elders we can too, we shouldn't talk down on them and start blaming or saying "I told you, you refuse to listen", we can just reassure them, and tell them theres still room to make better choices. A single word from us can make them what a thousand book/lecture cannot and a single word from us also can mar.
Parenting isn’t easy and in our quest to give our children a perfect life, we end up shielding them from the experiences that would make their meaningful. We shouldn't always step in, sometimes the best thing to do as a parent is too just to look and step back.
They are our children and at the same they are individuals who is trying to find his/her footing in a confusing world. Mistakes will definitely be made and it will teach them, they will learn, at the end, even if it scares us, let's give them room to grow.
Posted Using INLEO