The Things My Brain Refused to Understand

The first time I got to learn about AutoCAD, I was so amazed by how quickly my hands and mind understood what to do and how to go about it, maybe because I was so passionate about it. All the shortcuts from the keyboard started making sense; all the likes were aligning with each other exactly where I went, and after a few weeks of knowing the basics, I started using it to draw plans without having to stress too much about some commands.
That came so strange to me because I know myself, and I know that when it comes to some things like that, I don't usually learn them fast.

I could remember during my school days, sitting in the computer lab during one of the architectural design classes with a dusty table in front of me, and one of my friends should say, "Use offset; do not draw that line again!” I just smiled because that was exactly what I had been doing. After some mistakes, I catch up with it. When I'm given anything visual, practical, and with a connection with real life problems, my brain always seems willing to cooperate.

Then I also remembered back in church when I want to know how how to play keyboard. I was completely humbled. Everything that the instructor was teaching, I totally got everything, but when it was the turn of my hands to do the needful on the keyboard, my fingers were just going totally strange.... I continued to practice a simple play over and over again, but only for my finger to press another key when I thought I had gotten everything I needed to know.

One Saturday afternoon after doing everything I needed to do, I was on the keyboard practicing again when some noise from the environment started disturbing me. I became so frustrated that I had to close the keyboard and told myself, “I think this keyboard learning isn't my way.” I don't think I can easily forget those moments.

And now, I think I have gotten to realize that I easily build an identity around being good at things I understand quickly. And when I seemed not to get something on time, I did not just see that thing as being difficult. I started second-guessing if I was capable of learning it at all.

With architecture, that weakness has been hidden because I had enough time to practice and to become so much more comfortable with what I do. But in just a few weeks, the keyboard exposed that. The funny thing is that I still can't play it so well, but I'm better than a beginner, and I'm not embarrassed about that. And I'm not taking the parts of my life that need little grace and patience so hard.

And maybe those things that I learn fast show what my mind enjoys. And struggling to learn something easily shows that I'm a bit not comfortable with it and how fast I just want to opt out when I'm not comfortable with it.

Thank you for reading.

_{Images created by Gemini AI}