Parenting Life - Unfiltered.

Raising a child is one of the most tasking job out there and I always admire parents who have given their all to raise decent kids in today's society where there are so many terrible things influencing kids negatively. I have seen great parents raise terrible kids and vice versa which always forces me to think about the future because I intend becoming a responsible parent with blessed kids someday.

Whenever I imagine myself become a father, it scares me not because I am not prepared but because of the whole lot happening out there. Most times, parents get the blame for what their kids turned out to be but if we look deeply, we will realize that they did more than their best and yet, their biggest fear became a reality.

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I consider parenting a delicate balancing act because you don't want to be cold or too hot as a parent, and this is where people find it difficult to create a balance. On one hand, you are trying to provide, protect, and offer your kids guidance through life challenges, while on the other hand, you must give them space to grow and learn so they can become successful, independent individuals someday.

Striking a balance is crucial, as being too protective or intrusive can have a long-lasting negative effect on a child's mental, social, and emotional well-being. Overly protective parents are likely to create anxious and fearful children who struggle with resilience, self-reliance, and decision-making. Parents who are too intrusive may as well raise children who feel suffocated and resentful. If we look at both parenting cases, it would be hard for any child to develop important life skills, such as problem-solving, critical thinking, and self-advocacy.

The solution to striking a balance is something I have been planning for a while now, and even though I can't be too sure of the outcome, it's worth trying.

Growing up, my mom wasn't this rigid kind of person, but despite being very disciplined, she still had her way around us (four male children). Her biggest secret is making us feel very safe around her; that alone strengthened our bond, making her kids consider her their best friend.

Mom being our best friend made it very easy for her to keep track of us because there is nothing I do without her knowledge. She won't make decisions for me, but I feel the need to tell her about it so Mom is reassured that there's nothing happening that she doesn't know about.

It's not just me, my siblings do the same and it's funny that we share with our mom things we can't tell ourselves. I think one of my intended ways of creating a balance is ensuring that my kids see me as their best friend. I won't just sit and wait until they become adults to do this; it would start with them as infants. Being part of their lives day in and day out will help us build a strong bond, fostering an unbreakable trust in the end.

With that strong bond in place, they will be free to discuss anything and I am 100% ready to give them listening ears.

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As a parent, I am not planning to be just a talker, which many parents are doing today. They complain, give orders, and pile pressures on kids with words instead of taking the time to listen as well.

Not being a listener has ruined the relationship between parents and children. The kids have things to say as well; they observe and want to air their opinion, but many parents shut them up because they are kids. I intend to do things differently, which is giving listening ears to my kids. I want to know what's happening in their world, and it would give me a proper insight on how to help or come into the picture.

Being a listener will help me be less intrusive but if you look deeply, I am getting every information I need without forcing it.

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Another thing would be allowing kids to take calculated risks while making decisions for themselves. I experienced this a lot as a kid, and even when the worst happens, my mom is still always backing me up. A lot of people, including my pastor back then, always condemned the act with the excuse that we are just kids but mom wouldn't just listen.

She is found of saying, "what if she's not there, aren't we going to make decisions for ourselves?"

I remember while in SS2, I suggested to my mom about taking GCE despite knowing the family financial crisis.

Instead of my mom talking me out of it since I am just a year away from writing WAEC, she allowed me despite the repercussions. I wrote the exams with high hopes and ended up having F9 in my favorite subject, Geography.

I felt terrible, but Mom's praises cheered me up; she was happy I could take down the exam to an extent. I asked why she wasn't angry, and she said attempting GCE would give me an idea of what WAEC is all about, and truly, it helped.

Allowing kids to take risks themselves is important, and I will be paying attention so they don't do the unexpected while trying to save themselves when their plans don't work out. That way, kids can improve on making decisions as they learn from their mistakes.

It's a long list, and like I mentioned earlier, the most important thing is striking a balance the best way we can. Protect, provide, and support, but then don't make the kids useless to themselves or the society. Help them become resilient and independent even at a young age because we can't be too sure of what the future holds for us.