The smaller the better

Africa is very big on family, both literally and figuratively. Although we have nuclear (smaller) and extended (larger) families, extended families tend to be how most families settled around here about 2 decades ago. The narrative is changing today because it seems like as the years have progressed, people have began shifting more towards having smaller families, unlike our parents and theirs and theirs before them.

I have more than 20 siblings. This likely is a very huge number for you, but it’s not even the wildest I’ve heard where I’m from. But yes, you are right, 20 is not the average number of kids an average family has. I’m not sure exactly how you rationalize littering that much for an average person, but I sure have learnt from the experience of growing up in circumstances like that. Because of these experiences, I don’t have any interests in raising a large family myself.

Now of course, this is not to say that coming from and being raised in a large family does not have its perks, but that the cons far outweigh them. But just to give you some perspective, some of my favorite parts of having grown up in a large family was that it was a lot more fun. Growing up, kids yearn for socialization. They want to play with the kids in their neighborhood and make friends.

I remember some of my favorite childhood memories were Hide and Seek and Ampe that I played with my friends. Yes, Ampe. Lol I almost joined the other team when I was a kid. At the time, there weren’t so many streetlights in my neighborhood, so our Hide and Seek were always at night, usually on nights when the moon was shining so bright that you could see far distances without a torch light. I also really enjoyed eating from one big bowl with all my extended relatives, and doing story times and all the rest. It was supercharged with fun.

And the cons?

There’s no privacy there. This likely won’t be an issue for kids because privacy is the last thing they care about at their young ages. For adults though, it is of utmost importance. Everyone is in everyone’s business in extended families, because “you’re one big family” and you live together. Till today, I still remember some very unpleasant things I witnessed in our house that I wished I never did, because they make it difficult for me to see some of my family members beyond some of their shortcomings at the time. And it’s not just privacy in terms of information, but even in terms of having peace and quiet, it’s almost impossible. You don’t live alone and goodluck telling your neighbors to dial their stuff down. It just came with a lot of issues.

If things go how I plan, I should have no more than 1 wife and 5 kids. My dad did not know peace when I was growing up because he went for the upper limit with wives – 3. It’s a bit better today now that the wives are living in separate houses, but it was an absolute nightmare with all of us living in our family house. I am thankful for growing up in that environment because instead of reading it in a book or on the internet, I have first hand experience and lessons of what a day to day will look like if I decide to walk that path. It’s also extremely financially demanding to have that many wives and children.

I’m still not sure how my dad is able to manage it, and I don't want to find out because I don’t want that kind of pressure. I want a wife and a few kids who I am sure my resources no matter how abundant will be able to give an okay life at the worst. I think that naturally also comes with peace of mind and long life, so one stone to kill many birds. Lol

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