Parenting Styles: what type of children are you raising?

What would a life with no challenges look like?

Isn't this what our scriptures describe as paradise? But if that is the case, would there be a need to do anything at all if we're already living a paradise?

The idea of a life with no worries sounds relieving, but giving it some thought, I can almost guarantee you’ll change your mind and fast.

A very important thing we fail to acknowledge many times is that what makes life worth living is a combination of both good and bad times. Too much of either, and life becomes unbearable, even if “either” is an extremely peaceful life. I believe in the philosophy that life is made of a delicate balance of things and their opposite: comfort and struggle make one of the biggest yin-yang forces that keep us grounded as humans, and keeps the universe in harmony. As sweet as we want it to be, we would go insane if life was smooth and peaceful 24/7.

With everything said, if you could, would you make life an earthly paradise devoid of all worries for your kids, as far as eliminating all obstacles that stand in their way, or allow them face adversity and overcome said adversity on their own?

If you’re struggling with where you stand with regards to this, I guess an important question you can ask yourself to start is…

What type of children do I want to raise?

It’s easy to get lost in the controversy of the preamble, but thinking of it this way makes your perspective much clearer and easier to be decisive of.

Ideally, you want to raise children who can be self-sufficient and independent. However, they don’t need to struggle all their life to get here. With this in mind, backward planning how you would raise them to shape them into these kinds of adults, you want to give them as much comfort as you can,whiles allowing them to face adversity when needed because the adversity helps with things like maturity, character development, foundation for values, lessons, and others.

Solving all the problems for your kids means denying them a chance to experience mistakes and learn from them and an opportunity to experience change and development, because they grow up their entire lives experiencing nothing but the positives of the university. I know that because this is a hypothetical and the assumption is that you’re eliminating all obstacles in the way, that means that they’ll never need to face adversity at all, so they don’t need the experience of having dealt with it in their past. But as I earlier stated, even if we scratch the importance of facing adversity to adult living, there’s still the fact that life would be meaningless without it.

If you woke up fed and clothed every day, you wouldn’t see the importance of educating yourself to get a job or start your own thing. But these are the things which give you experiences to handle adult stuff like relationships and dealing with people, empathy, emotional intelligence, values, memories and the essence of family and friends.

At the same time, leaving your kids to face and overcome adversity on their own is wicked. Pain and suffering will be all they know as adults, and adults like this do not contribute positively to creating healthier communities.

I have seen parents on both sides of the spectrum, and the adults their children grow up to be is always pathetic: pompous and completely dependent, or too hard on themselves to be able to see life for anything less than a shithole.

Both of these extremities are bad for parents, the adults their children will grow to become, and the communities they’ll impact. I have also seen parents who have bent the spectrum to raise equally yoked (or close enough) children who grow to be independent yet collaborative and empathetic adults rich with experience, and this is how I hope to raise my kids.

How about you?

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All images are mine

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