Parenting Unscripted: Embracing the Unique Journey.

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One thing I have come to realize with parenting is that it's not a one-size-fits-all because children differ. Not even twins behave the same, and this is why I am of the opinion that every child should be treated differently.

While I was growing up, the world was not as technologically advanced as it is today, and as such, we were not as exposed. There was nothing like privacy. Well, unless you've started experiencing puberty, which I believe is still very much applied to date, just with a tweak.

It should be worth noting that we all shared a room, and for as long as I can remember during my childhood, the door was always open. In fact, it is believed that once the door is closed, then you are up to no good, and even when you are not doing anything worth frowning at, you'd still be in trouble explaining what you were doing behind closed doors.

Really, the African parenting style was indeed not the best when it comes to nurturing. It was a one-size-fits-all, as they believed that with harshness and punishment, they could set their children along the right path, but then becoming a parent myself and adopting the African parenting style, I saw that it was a disaster, and trust parenting became a struggle. For my child, right from infancy up to her childhood, she has always wanted to do things by herself and not want anyone up in her business. From holding up her feeding bottle to wanting to play dress-up or accessorize her outfits, my input was always met with resistance, and of course, trust my mother to always be angry, as she feels a child shouldn't have an opinion that will override the mother's.

As I progressed on my motherhood journey, it was always me wanting to override my daughter's decisions, but then I saw that every time that I became invasive over the choices of her everyday life, she built more resistance. Thus, I started perceiving her as stubborn, and before I knew it, I became frustrated with parenting. So, I spoke with an elderly friend who advised that I should study her character, as that would determine the treatment or nurturing style to administer. He went further to inform me that whatever character a child puts up is either gotten from one or both parents. For my daughter, after careful observation, I saw that it was a collaboration of character.

Thus, I became more understanding; I became a listener and a supporter, which again made my mother really angry, as she felt my daughter was too young for such treatment. She would always say, "Small pikin like this, wetin she sabi?"—broken English for "What does a little child like this know?" But then, later on, with my sister's children and others that my mother did come across in public, she started to see that the world has indeed changed. It's almost like the brain activity of some of the children of nowadays far surpasses their body structure. Hence, it becomes an experience of adults in children's bodies.

Like I said earlier, when it comes to nurturing a child, there is no one-size-fits-all rule or manual. I think the best bet is to grow with the child as a guide, allowing them their own experience while always lurking to come to their aid when it's necessary. Knowing who my child is, best believe that I'm always lurking and even when we observe the closed door policy for her private monents, I make sure to always be in the know of her every activity