How to Tame Your Dragon.
In a space of 1 year, I lose my mother and only brother, nine years before you then, I lost father as well, so losing the only two family members I had left was devastating, I had never felt such pain.
I was in complete chaos for three months; I could not eat, cook, or function properly. I cried my eyes out for more than three months, and every day reminded me of the emptiness that filled my life.
External people mocked my deceased family members, calling them a series of names for "dying quickly," and making jokes that implied I would be next.
I completely shut down as a human being; the world had no meaning for me; it was a waste of life to be born into constant, chronic, and never-ending pain. I was already dealing with health issues that kept me in the hospital, moving from one specialist to another.
I was already used to it, but having to deal with this additional pain felt unreal. Most people did not know about my pain; they assumed it had been 3 to 6 months and that I should have moved on.
People said nasty things to me because I was not answering the phone, I walked aimlessly down the street with no idea where I was going, life was a blur, and during these times, I shut down completely, cutting off all contact with the outside world.
I had a series of people requesting loans from me, and I was responding to messages, but they did not even bother to ask why; perhaps I outlived my usefulness and relevance, and it is safe to say that I am completely lifeless to the outside, social world.
Does it hurt? No.
the pain I have been experiencing for nearly two years is even worse; while I can now cook, work, and respond to active messages, I still go to the hospital and perform blood tests; somehow, I no longer expect anything beautiful from this inexplicable world, but that is okay; I have found God, and that is all that really matters. He's been good to me, and give me most of the things I asked for, but I can never truly see life as I used to.
People don't know pain, until they feel it.
I had this woman who was constantly calling me to get things done for her, and when I was not picking, she thought I was selfish and mean, but I did not mind; people in pain are frequently misunderstood, and they are even mocked for doing too much.
This woman had also lost her husband some time ago. I knew the man, and learning that he had died was devastating. He was not sick or suffering from any ailments; he simply awoke with acute kidney failure and died within a few days.
The wife bawled her eyes out, lashing out at everyone, complaining that no one was feeling her pain, and she had bouts of endless chest pain, which felt familiar to me because it reminded me of when the pain first started.
Obviously, no one could have predicted that she would go through such pain; in fact, she will most likely live with it for the rest of her life, just as I do, but this is where the pain hurts the most: not knowing or expecting that it could happen to you.
Pain is a dragon that cannot be tamed, it's biggest manifestation is anger.
These feelings of rage are accompanied by anxiety, hormonal imbalances, stress, cortisol release, unending tears, and a deep hollow into which you enter that feels unreal. Fortunately, not many people have ever experienced this pain.
I recently saw a slave trade video about how these people were torn from their families, taken away in chains, and experienced the chronic hollow of waking up to a painful reality, and it makes me believe that the pain felt by people in the 17th to 19th centuries, possibly due to war, famine, racism, and other factors, was pain that cannot be fully understood in the twenty-first century.
Many people will consider themselves extremely fortunate not to suffer from chronic pain, which is accompanied by constant anger, confusion, anxiety, and uncertainty.
The mental state does not fare well in these circumstances, which is why those who survive do so by living with the pain, rearranging their reality to suit the pain, embracing the hollow, accepting the loneliness, fear, and panic. People do not recover; they simply adapt.
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They're are some people who seem to experience more pain and loss then others; like yourself. I too am part of that group. All we can do is heal in our way, and stand up to keep going.
You will be okay... with small steps. Good for you for understanding the need to heal.
You're right, people has to heal by themselves, especially when they go through the type of pain that most people in life will never experience. It's a tough world and this makes it even tougher
Some emotions cannot be fully encapsulated by the English letters, i can't really say i understood completely how you feel driving through such dark pain, for the fact that you're still sane, Jesus truly loves you n you're hero, all this on one person, i know there are countless times you'd ask God why me, but hey keep going strong you're a strong voice to reckond with..... n God got you for a reason
Thank you for the kind words. For the part you uploaded as a screenshot, you could have just simply used ">" to quote it and not go through the stress of uploading a picture..
Don't know why I'm using ecency so couldn't actually copy things when I want to
It's hard to deal with loss, but I honestly can't support what the woman did. She isn't entitled for people to help her, and when you do help, its because you want to.
As for people talking about the deceased like they are burdens, I don't think that is a good thing at all. It sounds like they are just making fun of the situation because its not them.
Yes, people mock situations that doesn't involve them, probably to amuse their ego, or just to simply have fun, just because it isn't them or anyone they know. It can be hard when no one knows your pain or struggles or when it's not relatable to another person.
The pain never really goes away, you do learn to adapt to it just like you said. I've lost a lot of people in my life, so I understand all too well. I can't understand why people make fun of your family, that's just not appropriate and inhumane.
While life in this world today is better than it has been for thousands of years, humans can be very cruel and greedy. Some are downright evil. I don't expect much more out of this world of ours either, but you have your faith and that's what's the most important. Just keep hanging on and doing the best you can.
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Well, I can say I'm learning how to live with the pain, we all die anyway, it just hurts when it happens to soon. Where I come from, people laughs at things they don't understand especially if it amuses them. I have encountered people like this, they just mock, laugh or undermine your struggles, simply because it feels unreal to them.
I had this woman who was constantly calling me to get things done for her, and when I was not picking, she thought I was selfish and mean.This is the problem I have with people, if you are always turning up for them and somehow you said no for one day, they will despise you for it, they wont even think about the good things you have done for them or what you may be going through that made it impossible for you to help them.
Well in her defense, she probably hasn't experienced or felt what I had felt, so she probably never understood it. In the position I was, she never knew what it meant to be in that pain, but she eventually felt it, and understood how it hurt. People castigate what they haven't experienced or felt before.
man this is so fucking lame, how can you call them besides idiots? there is nothing to joke about
you have been strong not to get completely crazy, suffering but with a supportive family is a thing, but all alone is just harsh
take care
Well I have gone completely crazy. A lot of people ask me to seek mental help, so I wouldn't completely go mad, even these people still never truly understood what I was going through.
In life, there are people who will choose to mock your pain and struggles, and for me, this is because they exactly don't know what it feels like.
But you are still here, and you don't sound crazy, realistic which is very different
That's true, I know others who have my same problem they get mocked by doctors, only who has it can understand it
The pain of Loosing somebody close to you is so painful and heartbroken but with time it heals....so sorry to hear that....God is with you
Thank you
I understand you don't want to be pitied but rather envied, bro I respect you, I know many people who always nag for not getting enough food to eat, they eat, but to them God is supposed to fill them to the brim, I have learnt something from you today ' which is don't stress yourself up by trying to make people understand why you did what you did.
"It's really hard to hear this from you. Losing a loved one is tough to accept. The pain can be overwhelming, but God is always there to support you. Don't let people's words get to you – they don't know what you're going through. I'm proud you're standing strong despite the loss. Sorry for your loss."
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, no one can capture the pain like the person who is going through it, so it's always a saddening experience that's unique.
"It's really hard to hear this from you. Losing a loved one is tough to accept. The pain can be overwhelming, but God is always there to support you. Don't let people's words get to you – they don't know what you're going through. I'm proud you're standing strong despite the loss. Sorry for your loss."
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.
Grief is a pain that’s often misunderstood, and it’s hard for people to understand unless they've felt it themselves. I admire your strength in finding faith amidst the chaos, you know, some people lose theirs.
I really hope that in time, you find moments of peace and joy that help ease the weight of your pain.
Sending you love and strength 🤍💪 🤗
Yeah, people bear their grief, to people who go through different kinds, it feels customized, so much that another person cannot feel the pain of another, especially in the same way and magnitude. That's probably one thing with the human emotions: we express them uniquely