Beauty

Being unapologetically transparent in character and attitude is a blessing and a curse.

There are times where I notice myself in my reflection and reminisce on those times where my insecurities were rampant. Nowadays I’m not only more confident in myself and my ability to navigate myself accordingly in almost all aspects in my life but I’ve realised I’m at a time in my life where I’m potent. To be honest I’m much more comfortable with myself as opposed to the days where I wasn’t.

This selfie of mine is me. Just like any other selfie the typicality of it is blatantly generic. Just a pose. Slant smile. Not much to it. But it’s me at a time of my life where I’m much more honed into my individuality and independence as a young woman. My physical beauty is just a visual compliment to what and who i truly am. My inner world is a dystopia. Insecurities, confusion, anxiety, feelings of neglect and lack of trust. At the peak of all these negative virtues is self preservation. That natural instinct of mine where I always feel the need to protect myself and my emotions. To be weary of being emotionally misled or hesitant to love.

As much as this has done me a lot of good and heightened my level of self awareness and deflection from potential danger, to a great extent it’s hindered my ability to truly receive compassion from others. I’m always second guessing. And ultimately, given the circumstances of our country and current world political/social climate this has done me justice indeed. Danger is rampant in Nigeria as we all know it. But this does not mean that genuineness is scarce. Good people may be few. But they are still here. That is something to be acknowledged and appreciative about.

Nowadays I hold on to the ultimate virtues of love and gratitude. As a Christian these values provide me with a sense of self and purpose. They keep me going. Although throughout my life they’ve been times I’ve been through the worse i believe in the nearest future, as well as on this concurrent present, I will be fulfilled. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually.