Opinion Series Part 3: Do Parents Really Have a Favorite Child?

Happy Sunday Hivers!

Back in my late twenties, my colleagues and I often talked about parental favoritism. One of my colleagues openly shared her disappointment with her mother because she felt that her mom loved her other siblings more. The rest of us could relate. In fact, we had the same sentiments, we often felt that our parents showed more affection and attention to our other siblings compared to us.

All of us in that circle of close colleagues were single. So our sentiments were purely based on our experiences as children. We spoke from the perspective of sons and daughters who felt overlooked at times.

But as mothers or parents ourselves, we had no experience yet. We didn’t truly know whether parental favoritism was real, or if what we felt was simply our own perception as children longing for attention and reassurance.

It wasn’t only my colleagues who felt this way, even some of my cousins shared the same sentiments. I began to realize that this wasn’t an isolated feeling.

I don’t know if you’ve also heard the same kind of complaint from your own friends or cousins, that sense of being less favored, less understood, or less loved compared to a sibling.

One thing I clearly remember observing when I was younger was how strict my mother was with me. She would not allow me to go out, especially at night. There was one time when I asked permission to go out with my friends, I was only 19 then. It was already around 10 p.m., and I still wasn’t home. My mom actually came looking for me and scolded me in front of many people.

But my two younger gay siblings, would go out almost every night and come home around 11 p.m. yet my mom never chased after them or scolded them the way she did with me.

Another thing I noticed was at home. If our youngest sibling made a mess, my mom wouldn’t get upset. But if I left something out of place, I would be heavily scolded. There was even a time when I was cleaning the house and my younger sibling kept making a mess. I scolded her out of frustration but in the end, I was the one who got scolded by my mom. There were many incidents like that which made me conclude before that maybe parental favoritism really does exist.

But as I grew older, my perspective slowly changed.

I realized that maybe my mom was strict about me going out at night because I’m a woman, and in her mind, there was a higher risk of getting pregnant at a young age. My two younger gay siblings, on the other hand, wouldn’t face that same risk.

And perhaps the reason I was scolded when I got angry about the mess was because my younger sibling was still very young at the time. It’s in a child’s nature to play and make a mess. Maybe my mom expected more maturity and understanding from me because I was older.

Growing up made me see that what I once labeled as “favoritism” might have been protection, responsibility, or different expectations placed on different children.

At my age now, I can say that I would only call it favoritism if I had been sent to a public school while my siblings were sent to private schools. I would call it favoritism if their meals were better than mine, if their allowance was bigger than mine, if their beds were nicer, or if they wore branded clothes while I didn’t.

But in our case, everything was the same. We went to the same school, ate the same food, received the same allowance, and even wore the same brands of clothes.

When you’re young, your mindset is different. It’s easy to quickly conclude that there is favoritism whenever you feel hurt or treated unfairly. But as you grow older, your level of understanding changes. Your perspective in life matures. You begin to see that not everything is about favoritism, sometimes it’s about protection, expectations, timing, and the different roles each child plays in the family.

Thank you for reading and see you on my next blog. Cheers!

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Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.

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