Loving Oneself

Hello everyone. I'm grateful that I've found time to post tonight. Well, today was a frustrating day until I scrolled my Facebook pictures 10 years ago. I've been so nostalgic to throwback all those beautiful memories that were taken by pictures. But before we start, let me first tell you why was the day today was frustrating. Well, there is our one room for monthly rent. We priced it around 5,500 (110$) per month including the electric, water and WiFI. There is no submeter in the room that's why the electric is free. There was a policeman who paid for one month, one month advance and one month deposit. But when the evening came, he took back his money and didn't wanna rent the room because he got a new order that he will be assigned to the other place of Caraga. I was really frustrated because there was another customer who was interested in the room that we declined because we marked it as sold. In order to move on, I amused myself by scrolling my pictures on social media.

I found myself 10 years ago who had times to pamper freely. All I thought was my career, the things I loved, the foods I craved and the long nap times without thinking responsibilities. I was self-conscious because I believed that the treatment of other people towards a person depends on his appearance. Until these days, this is what I believed in. We cannot please people, but we can change their judgement towards us depending on how we carry ourselves.

My life before was less problematic, yet, I didn't realize that even a penny was valuable too. I can buy anything I wanted. I can go to the beach for the entire week without worrying someone at home looking for me. I spent my money to unnecessary things and was very generous to my family of course. If I would judge myself how good daughter I am to my mother, maybe I'm 80 percent over 100 because I didn't give my parents a headache. But somehow, I'm not perfect.. everyone isn't a perfect. I had many hopes and dreams that were completely shattered by one mistake. That mistake was fallen to a wrong man.

I never thought I'd fall in love to a man who is my daughter's father. His sweet words and promises gave me a false hope to create a happy and complete family, but like the song said, every promise is meant to be broken. Now, I am left raising my daughter alone. It's the time that every penny counts to me. I have learned a lot to budget money and ignore unnecessary things because the most important thing in my heart is my daughter's needs. I don't have time to pamper myself because I have a daughter, mother and sister that need my care and attention. I cannot go on a vacation because I can't trust anybody to take care of my daughter.

But...look, it may sound like I'm complaining about my life's current status, but when I look at the positive sides of it, I have recognised that it teaches me to be wiser, especially now that I'm a mother. It teaches me to be independent physically and emotionally. Maybe I'm still a spoiled brat if it didn't happen. Maybe I will never know my bad sides. Maybe I'll not remember how I was so self-conscious before. Maybe I won't know how to love myself again.I admit that I lost loving myself and didn't like to look at it in the mirror. Anyway, goodnight everyone. Again, I'm so happy I've been able to post tonight. See you on my next post...