A Personal Struggle With Speaking

We have our own things that we want to get better like getting better for their health, for their studies, for their work and stuffs. I am also one of the people who also wants to get better.

I want to get better at communication with other people in front of me. Getting better to communicate well and not just hesitant on saying things or even talking with other people.

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Although, when talking in casual with other people is okay and I can handle it but when talking in a serious tone and then when talking with the crowd, I cannot stand on it and it's like a magic that my mind went blank whenever I see that there's a crowd that listens to me.

Just like last time that I was called out on the closing prayer, the result? my prayer was not built up and it was not as good as I expected it to be.

At that time, my mind went blank and I cannot think more and even if I try to think more and more but there's no words that I can say anymore. So, I think I just copied the one that who prayed in the opening prayer which was also different from the closing prayer.

I was always speechless in front of the crowd and that's what I want to build up myself on making better to talk at the crowd, although, when talking on a one-on-one with other people, it's okay and as well as a few people that I can talk to but I cannot bear on talking with a crowd.

I can feel the pressure and the tense when I say something and I think I am scared of judgements on anyone of the crowd and talking like this and that.

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I think that I don't need the doubts of myself because I knew myself that I can do it but the anxiousness that builds up in me grows stronger the more crowd that listens to me.

But then again, practice makes perfect so the best way to get better is to always talk with these crowds every day or if not every day, every week so that I can build up my confidence that I am talking to these crowd of people.