What I've Learned Being Alone Sometimes

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It’s odd, just how peaceful being alone is. The lonely where the loneliness doesn’t gnaw away at your heart, but the quiet one; just you, your thoughts and a gentle breathing of life around you. I used to fear being alone long time. Like something was missing from alone, is the best way to describe it. But slowly, little by little, I started seeing it a different way. Being alone isn’t a punishment. It is a temporary pause, an opportunity to experience life without the clamor.

I’ve started to notice things about myself when I’m alone that I never saw before. There is a sort of fatness in the sound of rain, a reassuring blat. The light streaming through the curtains in the morning seems sunnier. The taste of food is different when you’re not racing through conversations. It’s strange, the rhythms of silence — but also enlightening, because when you begin to listen, their peculiar beat tells you things about your own self that you never knew.

What I know from being alone is that you just, really need to like yourself. There’s no small talk, because there is no one but you around to talk to; nowhere for your mind to wander, and nothing else can divide your attention. You’re seeing a reflection of your own flaws, your compulsions, your terrors. It’s very uncomfortable at first, but it forces you to progress. I’ve realized self-acceptance doesn’t stem from someone else believing you are enough. It comes from knowing that being alone in silence is sitting by yourself and still liking who you are.

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Another thing I’ve come to know: Solitude is different from loneliness. That’s when I was lonely: You’re desperate for someone, and nobody sees you. Loneliness is when you have no choice but to be with yourself and you are not in comfortable company. It’s a shift in mindset. Once I knew that, the silence didn’t seem so empty. It started to feel filled up, like an area where I could take deep breaths and think.”

And I have discovered that being alone is what makes me more creative. And there are loud people to smother the sounds of that thinking, and my mind begins to drift. Ideas appear out of nowhere. I write better, dream more, feel more… and I see things now that I never would have seen before. It’s as though solitude is what finally wipes the fog off the glass, allowing us to look through to ourselves and connect not just with others but with — oh, I don’t know — call it our soul.

There’s a bizarre confidence that also arises from being alone. You have yourself to lean on, even for getting the dumb things. It takes away the waiting for another person to complete you. I don’t intend to suggest that I still don’t enjoy being with other people. I do. But I don’t have to do that now, I realize. ​I’m okay being alone, so I can have fun with people.

And then solitude also taught me to slow down. Life moves too fast sometimes. We pursue the next thing, scroll through, respond to, rush through our lives. When I’m alone, everything slows. I can breathe, and I can think, and I can feel time pass differently when you’re not just always reacted to.” It’s calm. It’s real.

And most importantly, I’ve learned that “alone” tells you who the people in your life really want to be. When you are alone, you find out what connections come easily and which are a struggle. You start to worship the people who are for unity and peace — not disharmony or chaos.” You learn to protect your territory by recognizing all it’s worth.

So yeah, it’s not something I’m ashamed of anymore: being alone. I even sort of kind of can’t wait for it, every now and again. I’m not talking about retreating from the world. It’s a way to relate to yourself, and when you go out into the world hopefully there is more peace inside of you.

And, if you’ve been afraid to be alone, maybe try your hand at it. Sit with yourself. Breathe. Listen. It’s easy to be surprised by what you find in the quiet. Sometimes you get to keep your privacy. It gives you back what you’ve lost,making everyone else happy.