When Staying Becomes More Painful Than Leaving

One of the hardest things in life is accepting the fact that you loved someone but realising you can't spend the rest of your life with them. Relationships can be awesome and heartwarming, and the feeling of being loved can make you genuinely excited. However, something can play out in the relationship that makes you draw back and decide you're not meant to spend forever together. The truth is that even though we love such people and appreciate the memories we shared, being able to understand that you aren't good for each other is one of the best decisions you can make. Reflecting on my past relationship, I can't help but write about this subject matter.

While in my previous relationship, I remember loving my ex so much that I couldn't think of life or future without her. I'm guessing that's due to the fact that she was my first love and we've spent years together in the relationship. However, despite the love we had between ourselves during the cost of the relationship, there are things I noticed that made me, in a gradual process that made me talk a step back to think if what I'm seeing is something I can manage if we get married, and as I came to conclusions that I can't manage it, I told her I don't like those things, but it was difficult for her to change, and that made me realise she's definitely not the one I want to spend forever with.

I'm sure you might be wondering what it is that brings about this thought and conclusion. Well, it's the fact that anytime we had an argument, the next thing you'll see her do is get a weapon and threaten me, although when I complain, she'll say it's just to scare me that she won't do anything with it. But then, going forward, I realised it's part of her, so rather than wanting to see her angry one day to the point where she's stabbing me, it's best I call it 'quiet' for my own safety.

It's not like I don't love her, and neither is it that I'm not willing to give us a chance. We did, but despite the numerous chances I gave her, it seems as though that anger is a part of her and it's not something I can manage, and that's how I realise that even though I loved her, still I realise that we're not meant to be.

And now I have reflected on the relationship. Letting go doesn't mean the love I had for her wasn't real; what I mean is just that I think about myself and know what I can live with and what I can't live with. I know it's difficult to let go of someone we love, but then, there's wisdom in knowing fully well that holding on can put our peace, safety and future at stake. To date, I still appreciate the wonderful memories we shared, but then I'm happy because I believe I made the right decision by walking away.

Overall, I guess this is why I probably had the belief that you can love someone and still get out of them. And that's because I've come to understand that love alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship, and not all relationships that end were because both parties don't love themselves again; it's sometimes because they realise love alone isn't enough to bring about the future they both want. To be honest, it's not easy to let go of someone you loved. I was hurt when I met her back then, but still I didn't go back, and that's because I know it'll be more hurtful had I stayed just because I loved her.

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