Don’t become the wound
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Just sitting on my bed this Wednesday morning thinking about the many pieces of advice I gave my mum and how I am realizing that I may be going to be the same person I told my mom not to be, I mean isn't it funny that we most times see the many things people do to us and we kick against it but in a long while, unconsciously become the very thing we were against.
We've seen mothers-in-law treat their daughters-in-law badly even when they were also treated badly by their mothers-in-law, and hated being treated that way, and wished they were treated well by their mother in law, shockingly, they grow older, break free from the shackles of their mother inlaw maltreatment and yet still they meet the same wrongful treatment on their sons' wives, they mett the same treatment, that same treatment on their daughter in laws.
They become the very thing that broke them, they become the very people that broke them, and unconsciously do not even realize it. This is a reminder that we should learn to carry pain without letting it dictate our future actions, this is a reminder of resilience, self-awareness, and the importance of healing without hardening because it is one of the hardest—but most worthwhile—human endeavors.
Most days I think back to our I was treated as a girl child, and I am afraid of becoming the very thing that broke me, I am afraid of birthing kids and raising them harshly, because I was raised that way, although I see the many wrongs that was done to me in a bid to raise me, I am scared that I may one day unconsciously forget the pain I felt and how wrong it was and still raise a girl child that same way.
Most of our mothers were groomed wrongly, they knew it wasn't the right thing but they unconsciously forgot the pain they went through and when they had their own girl child, they groomed them the same way they were groomed, without remembering their own pain, without understanding the pain their daughters are going through and the cycle keeps rolling, the cycles continue.
Most of them promised themselves that when they finally got to have daughters they won't treat their daughters that same barbaric way, yeah they taught about the idea of breaking cycles, they thought about the idea of breaking the painful cycles but when they finally had their own daughters, instead of breaking the cycles as they promised themselves, they became the ones perpetuating them.
Most times we struggle to endure hardship but we become so not conscious of not letting our pain corrupt our character or turn us into the source of someone else's suffering. Some people are broken and broken people break others, try not to break others because you are broken; instead, heal, so you don't pour your pain on others.
Most days, I raise my head to the heavens in a silent little prayer because it is easier to see and point out the wrongs meted out on us by others but many times we become unconscious of how those pains made us feel, and in turn become the very thing we pointed out against, become the very people we hated because of the pain and how they made us feel.
So in essence, all I am saying is while we notice the wrongs done to us by people, let us be conscious of not letting our hurt or pain turn us into the source of another person's suffering, let us try as much as possible to avoid becoming what hurt or harmed us, refuse to be transformed to your abuser or destroyer because it makes the cycle continue not end.