Maybe Passion is back

Yesterday was a day to rediscover the excitement of what I do at work. As an anesthesiologist, you start out with fear and insecurities, which gradually fade as you do and learn more and more.

There comes a moment when every step of any procedure flows naturally and effortlessly, as if those skills had been implanted in your brain since birth. The same happens with surgeons and other specialties that perform special procedures.

Complications used to catch me off guard when they occurred, but with so much practice I usually anticipate them before they even show their face. Yet yesterday something happened that I couldn’t prevent. It happened simply because it had to.

But hey, no problem—I managed to resolve everything quickly and without any lasting consequences for the patient. That’s what I meant. Even though the complication couldn’t be foreseen, preparation helped me solve it without fuss and with effectiveness.

However, even if my body language didn’t give me away, my heart started beating again like when I was a young resident in training. I felt nostalgic for those moments when everything surprised me. I think this is good. I think it helps me remember that what I do is valuable, and that I shouldn’t lose motivation as much as I sometimes do, despite how much I dislike the place where I work. I’ve said this before.

I suppose that to survive here I’ll have to cling to those moments. Focus on what I enjoy. Experience should make me wiser, but at times it makes me overconfident. That’s dangerous and I should avoid it.

I don’t want complications to happen to my patients again, at least not the ones that can be avoided. I think that’s impossible. Either way, the mind and body must stay active.

_{English isn't my native language. Text translated with DeepL}