Picking up the pieces.

We were very happy to witness the end of the year. We had so many laughs and memorable moments deep into the evening after which we rested in our beds to wake up into the new year.

Right from my sleep, I heard the sound. It was unclear at first, but I paid a little more attention to the sound and traced it to my roommate whom we had just said our goodnights a few hours ago. What could have happened to her? I thought.

I hesitated at first because I wanted her to cry to her fill before I interrupted, but I couldn’t bear it anymore because it almost graduated into a roar. So, I stood up, moved close to her, and quietly pulled her close into a warm embrace where she was able to calm her nerves and just quietly sob until she felt better. Then, I asked her why she cried so much at that odd hour of the night?

She wiped her tears, looked straight into my eyes, and said, “I have failed again, this year. I had plans I wanted to achieve, personally, financially, spiritually, but I realized that I couldn’t achieve half of the things I highlighted. I have failed once again. It’s about to be the 1st of another year, and I really wish I could set some other goals, but I get scared because the ones I set last year are largely still there with no comment”. Again, she started crying.

I waited for her to let the tears roll down her cheeks, after which she continued.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to go into the new year. I don’t know what to do differently. And, it wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t do these things, but I had too many hiccups on the way. Sickness, family emergencies, job loss, school stress, and all. I’m tired!” she finally let out the last scream.

I wanted to console her and tell her the new year would bring many new opportunities her way, but the moment I opened my mouth to talk, I realized that about 80% of my goals were still very much hanging myself. I realized that I was confused about what to do next, or even the things to change. I realized that even though I appeared strong, and moved like a strong woman, I wanted to crucify myself for not living up to my expectations for the concluding year, however, I reminded myself of something important that have always kept me going.

That I still have my life means that I have multiple chances to make things happen still. That a new calendar year is starting tomorrow means that I have another 365 days to fulfill the things I missed out on in the concluding year. That my life will remain in a standstill if I choose to do nothing or set unrealistic goals for myself in a bid to enter the new year afresh. That absolutely nothing will change if I choose to do nothing. That I’ll remain on the floor if I refuse to pick myself up every time I fall. That I could be better, if only I go back to my plans, and continue from where I stopped or even start over if need be.

A new year is starting tomorrow, and I am feeling the pressure yet again, however, with the words I have chosen to console myself with, I am rest assured that I am doing very fine, and will eventually be fine in the end if I see the new calendar as another opportunity to be better rather than an opportunity to be weak, and regret some of my experiences in the previous year.