IN THE FACE OF PAIN

As humans, we always see anything that hurts or causes us pain as bad. We think we are better when we only feel joy or happiness and never really appreciate the pain and suffering we go through. I will always wish my pain away and suffering but never my happiness and peace. So anytime I face anything difficult, I try to run away from it as fast as I can. If it’s the work I do that gives me so much hard times, I keep wishing I can quit and get a good job.

But lately, I’m learning something interesting. Well, to many this won’t make any sense and I don’t really think I care but I’m just going to share it anyways so if you ever get to this stage you will understand or see the sense in it. Anytime I feel pain, go through a difficult moment or lose something valuable or special to me, I start asking myself the “what and why” questions. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that includes the pain and tough times I go through.

Recently, I experienced something that caused me immense pain and stress and even though I still feel that pain, it is nothing compared to the first time I experienced it. I felt like my whole world should crumble so I can know that was what was causing my pain but you know what, God didn’t take away that pain instead, he gave me the strength to take it and the right people to support me during that time. Even though I cried, the pain hit even harder. I made a lot of desperate decisions at that time but I don’t regret it because it was all part of the process of me learning how to appreciate pain and endure when necessary.

A part of me died at the time but somehow, it came back alive but this time, with a different approach to pain. I lived myself in a way that I was always in that place when I hardly ever be in the place of needing something that I can’t get. But this last experience taught me that I can be in that place and not just that, it also taught me how it hurts to need something but that one thing can’t be yours. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest but here I am still going strong.

I also realized how much I have ignored myself. I let people get away with things a lot and that’s all on me. But now, I’m on my journey to becoming a better version of myself and the bittersweet part is that, I have to lose some people along the way and also kill a part of myself to let a better part of me grow. I have made mistakes and bad choices over the years and I’m hoping while praying that this coming chapter of myself will be better and different in a good way. I’m more than willing to embrace the pains and challenges that will come with it because I know they will and that’s because I’m completely letting God lead me.

Thank you for reading through. 💜