Letting Go of My Obsessive Need to See the Best in Everyone || LOH #287

There are a lot of things we hold onto in life that changes how we view and interact with the world. It could be the people whose presence feels like a flicker of light in a dark room, a version of ourselves we struggle to forgive, a defining stage of our lives, or an ideal that unknowingly gives others a chance to play in our faces. But I believe life has a way of teaching us the important lesson of letting go, and submitting to learning helps us navigate other difficult situations we may find ourselves in.

In the past, I had a hard time letting go of a certain ideal I had built in my head. I believed so much in seeing the best in people no matter what. This meant that it was a conscious effort on my part to be positive about a person’s behavior rather than dwell on their flaws and mistakes. Frankly, living with this ideal was fulfilling at the time, but all of that changed when I experienced my first heartbreak with someone I had grown to love and accept as family.

They had always presented themselves as the nicest, considerate, and most responsible person in the room, and I fell for it. Then, I began to notice a different pattern in the behavior that first drew me to them. With me, they acted just right, but in their closet, they acted in opposition to our shared values. I came across evidences of them being vain, nasty, deeply transactional about helping others, and sometimes inappropriate with their colleagues. Eventually, they extended these poor behaviours to me.

They had also built the habit of lying to me to shield themselves from accountability, so confronting them always felt like a dead end. In spite of all these, I kept trying to see the best in them, and I think that was what made me an easy target for such a manipulative and dishonest individual. They knew how much I was focused on extending grace and remaining kind even in difficult situations, so they took advantage of that.

The process of letting go of this friend I had shared three beautiful years of my life and space with felt like losing a piece of myself. I was at the verge of resenting myself for not giving them a third chance to change. But the deep questions I asked myself about the impact of their presence in my life helped me understand the complexities of human nature, that people could do really nice things for you and still have the worst possible traits that cannot be overlooked.

My responses leaned to a more negative impact and that was what encouraged me to let go completely. Accepting that even those who have cared immensely for me can also turn around and treat me badly helped me set very strict boundaries in my life after letting go of this ideal. I may have been hurt from that experience, but I LEARNED to let go, and I think that is what life is all about.

Now, while I still choose to see the good in people, I try my best never to ignore the disappointing parts of themselves that could potentially cause any form of emotional distress to me. I see them as whole humans who are capable of doing both beautiful and inconsiderate things to people, and I tread through life with this information at the back of my mind.

This post is a response to question 1 of the LOH weekly prompt. You can find more details HERE if you'd like to write with us this week.

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