Challenge #164: My Inner Thoughts and Secret Fears
As I traversed this troubled world filled with surprises and uncertainties, I have crossed high and low waters to survive the cruelties of the people around me. I am a survivor! These challenges made me a strong person and I've strived to be what I am today. It was a tough job.
I am now at the height of my life's cycle, tired and weary, willing to face the morrow. I had my share but looking back, I thought of the people who have been part of my life, where my axis revolve around them, same as theirs revolve around me. They are the center of my universe! They were the wind beneath my wings, we hold on to each other unconditionally.
At this point in time, doubts and melancholic thoughts came rushing into my mind as I glanced at the photos of my two departed kids,tears rolling downy cheeks. Things would have been different if they were still around. This time, I had my deepest fears. What if I never wake up tomorrow? It will be the greatest gift for me. It was my secret wish to the Lord Almighty to let me die that way for both sides not to suffer longer but nobody knows what's entailed for us all. The fear inside me was who will take care of me when I became an invalid, thinking that they're all working and I need to take care of my little grandson, carrying along my granddaughter Antonia who's only 15 hrs old just to let both ends meet, not financially but rather my care and moral support to my two daughters. Our nannies come and go. We were unlucky to find good ones. My youngest who's far from me told me not to overwork myself and that they, the couple should find a responsible caretaker. He said that they had taken care of their son without a nanny. I said that they still had his wife's family and relatives around the compound while we live in a subdivision with neighbours who are strangers to us. That's the big difference when you live in the city and your rural life where everybody knows everyone! I know that life must go on with or without me by their side. Today, I silently prayed for my family, for His guidance,for their well-being and safety at all times. Amen!
When thoughts take over our mind roams it is understandable to realize with fear what the future may hold losing two children previously. Distance drives those thoughts to fear when we not able to see family regularly, keep contact it's the best one can do.
!LUV
!LADY
You're right dear. I hope I will live longer to see them grow older yet, to see them that they will be confident enough to stand on their own feet. We've experienced nannies who've hurt my grandson who was only 18 months old and you can imagine what the mother felt looking At the CCTV! That's why they wanted me to be with them so I can observe them. Therefore, I need to transfer Antonia to another school so I can look after the two kids. My daughter is very anxious having lost her eldest son who was merely 16 days old during the pandemic without any cause. I can feel her agonies during that time and all I can do was my moral support as a mother. Death knocks on your door anytime, prepared or not.:(
We all wish the same, 🌞 Happy New Week.
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Oh my! Death is curial but what can we do than to keep fighting. It’s written that God knows every of our journey because we can’t even ask a questions.
You need to stay strong and win 😇
Yeah... it's a closed case when your time comes....sigh
Truly a closed case. So frightening.
Have a blessed new week.
More tough days to come Sis, yeah that's our biggest fears for our grandkids under our care. We just pray for more longer years, Sis @sarimanok
Your right sis, that's all we can do. Praying for a longer life to be with them.
!LADY