Anger. LOH. #297

One emotion that I find very difficult to talk about is anger. And it's also the one emotion I hate to feel. Because when I do, I feel hot. I feel my chest begin to tighten. I feel my head getting hot too. Its really something I don't like to feel, and somehow, I think I have learned to suppress it quite quickly. The main reason I don't don't about my anger is because when I'm angry I don't talk. I am a bit of a stutterer, so if I talk when I'm angry I won't be able to make a complete and coherent sentence. And if I'm pushed further to talk, there is a high chance that I will start crying.

One vivid memory that I can reply here was when I was in secondary school. I developed the bad habit of not eating before leaving the house for school since primary school, and that habit has followed me to adulthood. That day, I had left the house as usual on an empty stomach, and didn't eat anything in school either. When I returned from school, as expected, I was very farmished. I couldn't wait for the household meal to be ready, so I took the almost empty pot of soup that one of my aunties used to sell food so that I would eat it and gain some energy to wait for the main meal. As I went to get eba (cassava granules, mixed with boiled water, and swallowed with soup), the girlfriend of one of my cousins put water in the pot as if she didn't know i was eating from it. When I got back I was beyond livid. I don't think I had been that angry before in my life. I couldn't talk because I knew I wouldn't be able to say anything that anyone would understand. Only God knew that thoughts that went through my head that day. I am glad that I didn't do anything that day that would have lead to any conflict.

The one thing that does help make it easier to share is calming down, and talking to someone that knows why I would get really angry.

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peace out ✌️

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