LOH Community Contest #288 ~ The Lie We Tell Ourselves
What popular worldview, quote, or social belief do you think has negatively influenced our society today? How do you protect younger people around you from adopting that mindset, and how do you personally resist the pressure to conform to it?
If there is one thing I wish I hadn't listened to when society told me after the demise of my father was "Your mother and your siblings are your responsibility", this phrase changed my thought pattern and made me feel like I owed my family everything and they didn't owe me anything.
I toiled day and night, took up such a hectic responsibility at such a tender age, not for myself but for my younger siblings and my mum, my life choices and decisions were centered and revolved around them and what they wanted, I had to grow and become a bigger person, I didn't enjoy my teenage years, didn't get the opportunity to experience puberty, and be a little girl like every girl my age, I do not have a memory of those phase of life look like because I skipped or didn't experience it.
I thought of what everyone wanted, not what I wanted, I sacrificed just too much for others but not for myself, gave grace to everyone but not myself, pitied everyone but not myself, was the shoulder they leaned on but didn't have a shoulder to lean on when I was weak, couldn't cry or let anyone see me cry because "I had to be strong for them".
That statement took my childhood and teenage years from me, and in fact a part of my adult years, it made me feel my life was meant to be lived making my family comfortable, happy, and stress-free.
I conformed to society's belief and was only able to free myself from the pressure and belief I carried myself after I heard a shocking similar story, I was also able to break myself from such influence after I realized that I was beginning to dislike my family for the pressure I was under, i was able to let go of such mentality after I realized how much hurt and hate I was harbouring towards my family because I was beginning to see my age mates in better places while it felt and looked like my life was stagnant and no evidence of growth.
I have seen younger girls go through the same thing and when I have an opportunity to sit with them, I let them understand the reality from someone who has experienced such life. The society's belief that as a first child, it is your responsibility to take care of your family is a total lie they sell it, while it is not wrong, I believe that it should be at the age the child has found herself and found her footing.
This is my entry to Ladies of Hive Community Contest #288
All images are mine
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Whereas it's great to help the family, it's not just yours or any oldest child's responsibility. What about the mother in the family? Why can't others, younger siblings help out some too? It isn't right to be the sole provider for a family and lose yourself in the process. Do not get me wrong-family is important, but the first born still needs the opportunity to find themselves as well.
Thank you for sharing and have a lovely day! !LADY
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It happens, the first child stereotype has been around for decades I hope we all can work together to not make it repeat itself in the next generation, because that was what our mothers were taught, and they in turn taught us, so we can do better.
Thank you
!INDEED Take care!
When my father died in a freak accident my mother wasn't able to lead the household properly, with the guidance of an uncle and a few other relatives I had to take over the family until my mom was able to stand on her feet. It was extended family support behind me and I had to grow up a little faster than I wanted to, but that was the case over the years. I was blessed with someone to quietly guide me. The experience did give me confidence in raising my own family.
Thank you for sharing @nwaadiaha I can understand your sacrifice.
!LADY
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Yeah, I can relate to that. While growing up fast to take responsibility for your family gives confidence, it makes one act mature even in the crowd, it steals away the teenage years and childhood years, and worst of all, if you have no support from any relative, it drains the child.
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It's heartbreaking to read stories like yours with the realization that your experience is still common in our society. No child should be made to bear the burden of adult responsibility, not even if a parent was lost. But here we are, all because our communities have all failed in stepping in to act as family and guardians to the bereaved.
You didn't have to go through all of that but you did, and I'm proud of you. Even more glad to know you are resisting the idea that you owe your life as a debt to your family. I hope you continue to assist them but never neglect your own needs in the process. Hugs!🫂❤️
Thank you
Yeah, I am learning to fit and put myself in my decision-making