"Do not listen to men, Do not listen to women who listen to men"

About three years ago, a particular expression trended on Facebook:
“Don’t listen to men and don't listen to women who listen to men.”

At first, it sounded like one of those funny social media statements that makes you pause and wonder, “Wait, what exactly does this mean?”

But in the Nigerian context, the statement was actually pointing at something deeper: patriarchy and male chauvinism.

In a society where men have traditionally been given the final say in many areas of life, sometimes the most interesting part is how these beliefs are passed down not only by men, but also by women.
You will hear a woman say, “that's how things are supposed to be. A woman must always submit.”Or “Men are naturally supposed to make all the decisions.”
Or even:“Your husband is a man. Whatever he says, you must accept it.”

And when you ask why, the answer is often simple;"he is the man.”

This is where the saying becomes powerful.

It wasn't necessarily saying that women shouldn't listen to men. I listen to my husband of course, and whenever there's any issue, we dialogue like adults.

Rather, the expression was challenging the habit of accepting male authority simply because it comes from a man.
I mean, women can also make good decisions too.

Sometimes, patriarchy survives not only because men uphold it, but because society teaches women to accept it, defend it, and eventually teach it to the next generation.

A mother can tell her daughter, “Don't argue with your husband. A man must always have the final say,” because that is what she was taught.
The daughter grows up believing it.
Then she teaches her own daughter the same thing.

And just like that, an idea that could have been questioned becomes a tradition.

But I also think there is an important distinction to make.

Respecting men is not the same thing as submitting to every opinion a man has.

Respecting your husband doesn't mean you don't have a voice.

Being a woman doesn't mean you have to accept unfairness simply because it has been labelled “culture.”
And questioning patriarchy doesn't mean hating men.

It simply means asking whether certain expectations are actually fair.

Growing up in Nigeria, many of us have encountered these gender expectations in one form or another. Boys are sometimes raised to believe they must be dominant, while girls are taught to be accommodating.

The problem begins when one person's gender becomes a reason for their opinion to automatically carry more weight than another person's.

Perhaps that is what made the old Facebook saying so interesting.

“Don't listen to men and women who listen to men.”

Behind the humour was a serious question:

Are we thinking for ourselves, or are we simply repeating what society has taught us?

And perhaps that question is still relevant today.

Thanks for stopping by my blog today .

Pictures used are taken from Facebook.