THE VOICE IN MY HEAD HAS OPINIONS - LOH308

I think most of us have that one voice in our head that has something to say about almost everything, I definitely do and honestly, sometimes I wish I could tell it to just keep quiet for five minutes...

My internal critic is not necessarily a bad person... At least, that is what I keep telling myself... It usually shows up because it wants me to do better. It's basically a conscience... It notices mistakes, It remembers embarrassing moments I had completely forgotten about, It reminds me of things I should have done differently.

The problem is that it doesn't always know when to stop... I can do ten things correctly and somehow my brain will decide to focus on the one thing I didn't do perfectly.

“Why didn't you do that better?”.. That's probably its favourite phrase.

Sometimes its “You should have known better.”.. “Maybe you are not ready.”....It has a whole collection and somehow, it always knows exactly when to use them.

My internal critic is loudest when I am about to do something important.

Starting something new?
It appears.
Making a big decision?
It appears.
Trying something outside my comfort zone?
Suddenly it has a full presentation prepared...
It is especially loud when I compare myself with other people...

You open social media and see someone your age building a successful business, travelling around the world, buying a house, getting married, getting promoted, learning five languages and somehow looking perfect in every picture.

Meanwhile, you are sitting there trying to figure out what you are doing with your own life.

Then my internal critic whispers.. “See? Everyone is moving except you."... That one hurts because sometimes the criticism doesn't even come from reality. It comes from comparison and comparison is a terrible person to hire as your career adviser.

There are also days when I make a mistake... Nothing serious, Just a normal human mistake but my internal critic can turn a small mistake into a full investigation.

It starts asking questions like I'm being interviewed by the police.

“Why did you say that?”
“Why didn't you think before doing it?”
“How could you miss that?”
“Do you remember the last time you made the same mistake?”

Yes..
Thank you..
I remember..
You don't need to bring it up again but one thing I have slowly learned is that I don't have to believe everything my internal critic says.

That has been a big lesson for me.. Just because a thought appears in my head doesn't mean it is true.

Sometimes my mind is simply scared... Sometimes it is trying to protect me from failure by convincing me not to try anything at all.

If my internal critic were a person, I already know what it would look like... It would probably be that serious-looking woman sitting quietly in the corner with her arms folded, glasses slightly down her nose, watching everything I do.

No smile.
No small talk.
Just observing.
Waiting for the moment I make one mistake, she would then adjusts her glasses and says.. “I knew you were going to do that.”... completely incapable of minding her own business.

These days, when that voice starts talking, I try to listen differently.

Instead of immediately saying, “You're right,” I ask... “Is this actually true?”

Asking questions make a difference because there is a big difference between self-reflection and self-attack...

Self-reflection says, “I made a mistake. What can I do better next time?”.. while Self-attack says, “I made a mistake. Maybe I'm just useless.”

One helps you grow... The other just makes you feel terrible and I think we sometimes confuse the two.

Being hard on yourself doesn't automatically mean you are ambitious. Most times, it simply means you have become very good at bullying yourself and nobody deserves to live with a bully inside their own head.

So yes, I have an internal critic.. probably a talkative internal critic, with unrealistic expectations but I'm learning not to dismiss it completely.

I'm trying to teach it a new job.

Instead of constantly asking, “What did you do wrong?”

I want it to start asking

“What did you learn?”

Instead of...

“Why aren't you where everyone else is?”

Maybe...

“Are you making progress from where you started?”

And instead of...

“Are you good enough?”

Maybe...

“What can you do today to become better?”

I don't think the goal is to completely silence that voice... Maybe the goal is to make sure it doesn't become the loudest voice in the room because sometimes, the person who needs the most encouragement from us is ourselves and maybe that little voice in our head doesn't need to disappear.... Maybe it just needs to learn how to speak to us with a little more kindness...

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