Becoming My Own Flame. Loh Contest: #283

There is a quiet longing in me I have come to recognize—a desire to be deeply rooted in God, not just in routine, but in truth and consistency. I serve, I pray, I showed up...yet sometimes, there is still a strange void I cannot explain.

Whenever I travel to the village to visit my mum and brother, something shifts. The atmosphere itself feels different— lighter, sacred, easier, and more natural. They engage in soul-lifting activities, and their prayers? Oh, of heavens gracious! They send goosebumps through my skin and settled deeply in my heart. In those moments, I feel close to God—truly close.

Then there is my mother-in-law in the neighboring town. She is fire herself. She is not the holy ghost fire and thunder woman o, mba nu! Her devotion is calm and always solemn.The way she reads the Bible—like a beloved novel—draws me in completely. She explains each verse with such clarity that my mind travels back in time. I see the visions, dreams, the unfolding scenes described by each writer, through my mind's eye. Praying with her feels like speaking to God face to face.

But when I return to Lagos, the noise, the hustle, and daily demands slowly dim that flame.

Motherhood, too, has shaped my journey like a lot. After work, caring for my children, takes all my strength. There are some nights, I would set out to pray at midnight, but one child wakes, then another. I would feed them, then, rock the little one for what feels like forever, by the time she sleeps, my body is already exhausted. Still, I try to go on with the prayers,yet, many mornings meet me where I began, unfinished prayers. All I have ever felt is guilt and disappointment.

At work, I admire a colleague of mine, who has made Bible reading a habit. No matter the pressure, or chaos in the work environment, she remains consistent. Sometimes, we read together, sharing insights, and in those moments, I see what is possible. That consistency—I want it.

Please don't get me wrong o, I am not just Sunday—Sunday, routine woman o, at least, I do more, I read the Bible as well, even though, I get tired and sleepy oftentimes, due to anxieties and stress of everyday life. I pray with my family morning and night, but, I am not consistent with my own personal prayers at midnight, and that midnight prayers—those deep, powerful moments at such hours are most important. Omor, na him be the Koko. And I'm seriously working towards it. I also practice other few service routines, which are "complimenting accessories", so to speak, to building up my faith and I do my best. But I know I can grow. I just wish I could do more now that I have the energy, but time and family responsibilities are keen on drawing me back from giving more.

I may still need the guidance of my mum, brother, and mother-in-law now, but I also know this is a journey I must take personally. I want to become spiritually independence, strong enough to stand, pray, and lead my family through any storm.

So yes, prayer and Bible reading are the "hobby" I am choosing —one I am already building, step by step. And before this year ends. I believe with all my heart that God, His word, and I will be best friends,infact we're gonna be inseparable.

This is my response to the @ladiesofhive community contest—Round #283.

Thank you @merit.ahama for this deeply needed reflection.

SEE YOU ALL WITH MORE REFLECTIONS AND EXPERIENCES.🙏♥️🫂