The One Who Watched and Said Nothing #286

I once witnessed it, “though it wasn't me that got beaten.” This is what I told myself back then when it happened during my first year in junior secondary school. I was new to the school environment after being transferred from another school, a big private school. There used to be this gentle and easygoing girl in my class then; her seat wasn't far from mine. Some students only get to remember her name whenever they want to find something to laugh about. During some break period, some ladies in my class, including two guys, would corner her where no one could hardly see them and far from the staff room. They take some of her break foods and throw them away. They said some things to her; I can still picture the event because I once stumbled on them twice. But I never got to say anything or challenge them because I was new to the school environment, and I didn't want to fall victim myself because I was also this gentle and easygoing type. I once challenged the girl to take it up by reporting to the staff, but I never thought she accepted my challenge, which made me not bother myself again, and I counted myself as being innocent.

It wasn't. That understanding later came to me in a very calm way after we all left the school. When I finally got to understand, I got so uncomfortable because I never imagined it. I got to realize that I should have gone to the staff to report the situation myself because it looks like I was also participating since I kept shut. I gave those ladies and guys who bullied her a free platform to continue doing it since I caught them twice, so they kept going. It was later I got to realize that since I didn't challenge those bullies, I gave them the opportunity to think that what they were doing was right. Though other students might have seen this too, we never talked about it. That was around 2009. Still young, I guess I couldn't have named that clearly then, simply because I was trying to protect myself too. But for the fact that I told her to report the situation, I knew something was wrong; I was expecting her to do it herself; I still chose comfort over courage.

Now that I am grown and I know better, though I am yet to have children of my own. But I already know the conversation that I'll have with them about what to do if anyone hurts them. And also what to do when they see someone that is being hurt. I will surely tell them that either they challenge the matter by speaking up or decide to remain silent, and I will tell on them when they grow up, not forever though. But for some time, they would sit one day and say, “I should have done something”.

And if my kids eventually got bullied, I would tell them that they must never fight back or ignore, but they should tell me or find a mature person around they trust who they can report the whole situation to. Because shame usually thrives in silence. It always finds a quiet place to grow. But I know for sure that the important thing is that I am making them to become the person who will will see something like that and walk away as if they saw nothing, or it is non of their business because they can also become victim tomorrow. And when we continue to give room for bullies, they will continue to see it as fun while the mental health, courage and life of the person involved is at stake.

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