While I was still young and growing, I had this belief that my father could solve anything; this was something I held on to for a long time. He never said this to me; I just created that version of him, maybe because I was still very little and he was tall, brave, outspoken, and very confident in a way that his presence makes rooms feel smaller. I didn't know he was also human because he always knows what to do, who to call, and what to say in all situations.
And I won't lie, I kept going on with this version because it made me comfortable and always made everything less frightening. I am always safe if he is unshakable.
The day I saw a crack in this version. It was nothing dramatic because there was no single discussion, no misunderstanding, or anything brutal. I just saw him one evening sitting quietly and almost looking at nothing. It looks like he has a heavy heart, and he can't share it with anyone.
He was looking in a way that I have almost never seen him in before. It was a much deeper thing, and I was not physically tired. I got to know that I have been seeing him every day without actually seeing him. I was just busy going around with that version of him that I have created only in my mind.
It was very hard to let go of that version I'd created in my mind because I never expected it. I wasn't even angry. It was just painful, that type that comes unexpected. Because it was painful letting go of that part of him keeping me together. That idea had to let go because he's also a human, a father, and a man who had tried hard, made mistakes too, and knew to bow down because he keeps showing up.

And what I was surprised at was that immediately I stopped seeing that version of him, and I began knowing him more. The true him turned out to be a person I should know more than that previous version I created. Letting go of the old him just had to be painful first, and that is best for me in a way because sometimes some things have to end so that a new thing can begin.
Thank you for reading.
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