Nobody Else Gets to Introduce You to Me #299

Some people used to call me the ladies man, and this is because of how I interact with some ladies, not minding where they are from, what people have said about them, and all those cheap rumors. I have refused to let a woman's reputation reach me before she does, and no strings attached, just normal friendship.

I grew up among three biological sisters and a sister that my grandmother left with my dad before she passed away. The firstborn counted every naira before she spent it. The second-born, calm but sharp, could insult anyone anywhere and still expect me to carry her bag or carry out an errand for her. And the third also has her own attributes. I was not lectured or sat down in a class that woman can be complicated at times. Living with my sisters proved it because I saw different dimensions of things. And yet, I was able to understand their personalities.

And that is why I admire something about myself: I don't know where I learned it from, maybe it was just inbuilt, which is gossip about any lady never changes the way I see her or how I relate to her; she is the only one that can change the way I see her. I could remember around 2017 or 2018, there was a lady in my department that some guys used to call "public toilets". I don't know why they started calling her that, and even if I do, I won't join them in shaming her because I wasn't raised like that. We started getting closer, and I got to realize that those guys just wanted to spoil her image because of nothing. Only she changed the way I see her, and I admire her for one thing: she never talked down on those guys; she just gave us who care the better narrative of what happened. We are still friends till today, and that's by the way.

As a guy, I have seen female friendships that shame most of the men's brotherhood. Yetunde and her close friend Olabisi have answered 'small small' since they were both younger, and when Olabisi wanted to travel out of the country but didn't have much, Yetunde found her and even paid for her flight ticket.

And again, I have had other conversations with some of my female friends who no longer keep female friends. Not that they do not wish, but from previous experience. I don't want to continue mentioning names, and I will keep this one. One of my female friends, who we finished secondary school together, was telling me some time ago how her best friend in nursing school lied to her, a terrible lie that affected her mental health, and as a result of that, she has to repeat a class. The same lady told me how a very close colleague of hers in school slept with a guy he was dating. She told me a lot of things but won't be saying all. She still interacts with some but from a distance. I jokingly asked her who will now invite to be her bridesmaid during her wedding; she said when the time comes, but for now, she doesn't know.

Even with a lot that I heard, I have never felt like managing my friendship with any woman. In fact, things like that have given me a better understanding of why some women exhale around someone not competing with them for a job, approval, or life partner.

But what I am most grateful for is how practical their love is. I could remember when I got terribly sick sometimes ago, before I was brought home, I could remember how some of my female friends made sure I was feeding well, taking care of me as if I was baby. I appreciated that.

And I won't sugarcoat it, it is not always easy. One of my very very close childhood friends once asked me why her sister always calls me first before she calls her. Nothing hidden about me, I keep my contact visible, even when I have to overlay explain sometimes.

Maybe being a ladies man means refusing to judge a woman before she speaks. Maybe that's why some breathe easier around me: nobody's decided who they are yet.

Thank you for reading.

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