The Quiet Thing That Keeps Pulling Me Back to Tomorrow #285

I do not have a big or grand answer to this question being asked. While some people will say their job, children, business, loved ones, or big dream they have. Those things are real, to be honest, because they keep me pushing too. But now, what keeps me pushing is something very small yet not so easy to explain sometimes when I am being asked because it feels embarrassing sometimes due to how small and simple it may look.

At the moment, what has kept me pushing is this unfinished version of myself and what God has been doing in my life. I always feel his touch in my life. And this time, I am not talking to the successful version nor the richy-richy version. What I am trying to say is this version of myself that I finally got to fully know what it was building toward all this while. I grew up with this scenario where all the surrounding adults, I mean close ones, carry burdens in a very quiet way without even having to call anyone's attention or complain to anyone. And that I learned too. And I have become this person who always loves to strive and move forward, even if it's by crawling, because I just want to stop knowing how much worse that looks. It is better to continue taking even a half step than to take no step at all.

There was this point in my life when everything looked stagnant. There were no visible directions, and it was just like all my prayers didn't even pass the front of my lips, and I felt so pressured. And at that moment, what kept me pushing was not even any motivation or encouragement from anyone. But it was this inner stubbornness of refusing to let confusion have its final say over me. And I will say that has really been helpful to me day in and day out. It's not something so big, like I said earlier, but I know it's so real. And most mornings, real is enough to get me out of my bed and give it a try again.

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