The Pressure to Get Married.
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I hope you all are doing great.
This week's topic for the QC Community Contest is an interesting one:
Relationships — Do you think society favors people who are married or in a romantic relationship? Have family members or your social circle pressured you to find a partner? Why do you think there is such pressure to have a partner? Do you think people feel uncomfortable with being single? Why?
I'm writing this post to participate in the contest and share my views, observations, and some stats about the country where I live.
Marriage Holds Spiritual Sanctity in Pakistani Society
It is a norm of sorts here that getting married is an important part of life. For people living in this country, it has its spiritual sanctity and is tied to notions of family and solidarity. But there is a catch that getting married is not as easy as it ought to be for a number of reasons.
Weddings Costs Too Much
Two million Pakistani marriages occur every year. Yet, in the 35 million people of the ages between 20 to 43, over 40% are unmarried: the primary reason cited in interviews by demographers is the prohibitive costs of weddings.
To mark this important milestone in life and their hopes for the future, many families sell jewelry. Besides personal items, take bank loans, mortgages, or dip into the money saved for retirement or college tuition. Even though the government made laws against dowry and dowry culture is decreasing slowly, it is still one of the big issues. A marriage costs millions for a middle-class family. And honestly, people spend unnecessary money on marriage functions.
The Hidden Mental Health Cost
While economic pressures are a considerable impediment, the psychosocial consequences are arguably more detrimental. There are documented cases and reports from ordinary families about emotional stress, depression, anxiety, and substance abuse resulting from the stigma surrounding being single for long.
Many women feel their reputations are unfairly questioned, while a man’s economic stability often determines how soon he can marry. Parents of unmarried daughters, in particular, experience depression and anxiety driven by the stigma attached to their children’s single status. The mental health and social costs are therefore considerable.
Is Society Rooted To Support Couples?
I think society is rooted in its expectations for a couple to be married. Sometimes this is obvious, sometimes it’s subtle. You can see it in how family gatherings are centered on couples, and in how little attention single people’s well-being gets. Society doesn’t really show single people care or support in practical ways. The pressure from family members and neighbors is overwhelming and, in many cases, the cause of psychological distress.
Why is this pressure occurring? Why are families so invested? What gives them this incentive?
In my view, this stems from cultural traditions that equate marriage with social respectability. There are other factors, including the fact that if one family throws a big wedding, others feel obliged to follow suit. Daughters are considered a financial liability because of dowry payments and not an asset, as is the case with sons.
These issues are creating a sort of cyclical pressure: marriages have become unattainable, which leads to their delayed occurrence, which in turn causes more stigma and financial burden. So, in my opinion, it is not only the economic pressure but the social one as well that puts so much strain on the single and the widowed.
Do people feel insecure about being single?
Yes, some people feel a lot of pressure to get married. This makes them worried, anxious, and sad. People start thinking that something is wrong with them, or that they will become a burden in a few years, or that time is running out.
But things are shifting slowly; more and more people are questioning dowry and big weddings. So they choose a small, simple wedding.
I think Marriage can be good for one, and being single can be good for another. We should stop treating one path as the only normal one. Support people. Ask them, “Are you happy?” not “Why are you single?”.
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I agree, let people decide what makes them happy!
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While I respect the culture of every people or region, situations like the ones you describe strike me as very sad.
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