How A Single Emotional Decision Changed The Course Of My Life.

Sometimes ago, I made a decision based on emotions and till today, whenever I think about it, even though I see it ad a form of growth, I still regret it. You know when you are truly and really in love, things will happen, a whole lot of things, it would be as if one is being brainwashed. I was in 300 level in my university then, there was pressure, expectations and all, including love, which then seems to be the most important thing for me.

This guy came, not as if he was that handsome or rich, but I found him to be very cool, my type if you will ask me, his words were warm, he gives me attention, he made me feel seen, he never for once denied me, even though there were red flags and warming signs flying around, I ignored it all. My friends complained that he controls me too much, they complained that he has locked me and am in bondage not a relationship, I told them I don't mind, as long as this guy is serious with me, am ready to be whatever he wants, am marrying him, so why not ....am good with it. Little did I know I was drowning.

So, there come a time I made the biggest emotional decision of my life. An opportunity came for me, a fully funded opportunity abroad, and I cut it off. He told me if I actually love him, I wouldn't leave him, and of a truth, I love him beyond words, he's my man, he's trying, so why not stick around and do what he wants. If I tell you how much I love this guy, you won't believe, I can't go to sleep without hearing him tell me he loves me, I always wanted to hear from him, I love him so much.

And because of that, I couldn't leave him, I thought, what is one opportunity compared to a future with someone who loves me this much? I love him, I chose him, I stayed. I smiled through it and that was it, I even told my lecturers I wasn’t interested anymore, they did and said all they could, but I already made my decision, my parents didn’t even know about it because I didn’t want to be talked out of it. Emotional decisions doesn't give deep thinking, reasoning or logic any chance... One will keep on building and bringing up excuses just to satisfy ones feeling.

About four months later, he cheated on me. If it had been some normal kind of cheating, it would have been good, he has always done that, and I do forgive him, he told me he's just playing around that am the only one he's serious with, all others are just..you know na...But this time, he got someone pregnant, I got to know that was the girl he could do anything... anything for, while I thought I was the main, I never knew I was being played too.

This same guy that's always on me, this same guy that we've planned our future we've discussed my business and his, we've named our unborn children, we've done a lot, he always told me to have patience with him before telling my parents abaou him, before taking him home to see them, was this why....and that night, I just sat down in my room, drinking my own tears, I cried till nothing is left of me, I became a total different person, I asked myself if I really threw away my future, a life changing opportunity for someone who didn’t even see me.

If I had threw it away for a good and serious man, would I not have been happy, even if I regret wasting the opportunity I will be glad it was for a good cause, for a good and sincere man, but that wasn't my case, I lost it for a lying and heartless man.. I cried, not just because of the heartbreak, but because of the opportunity I lost, the version of myself I could’ve become. It wasn’t just pain, it was shame. It was a shame on me losing self to an undeserved man.

But after that incident, though it took time before I could balance up, I became a new and changed person, I became sharper, wiser and more discerning. I askr myself if it was just love or I feared to be alone, or was it some sort of emotional manipulation. That heartbreak unlocked a version of me that nothing good could have. Not that I don't love now, but I take my time too, I am sure if am sacrificing again, then its for the right person, and there must be a stage we would have gotten too. Then, I made a foolish decision based on emotions, it broke me, but it also rebuilt me...,after losing myself, I was able to find myself by myself.

All pictures are mine.
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There are various entries organized by @leogrowth, and an entry to day 12 of #aprilinleo in #inleo,I am inviting you to also check it out,so as to partake in various interesting writing prompts.

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