Marriage fear or the fear of responsibility?

It’s the second day of the year and every time during the time of new year it’s winter season in my country. The coldness increased a lot in recent days. And winter season is another name of marriage season. It sounds funny but it’s the reality here. Most of marriage occurs in my country during the winter season. Technically I don’t see any benefit of getting married at that time but it’s the thoughts of many and I can’t change the thoughts of people.

Getting married seems simple but it’s not so simple as we made it complicated. It’s highly related to finance. I think ladies need to go through a lot of mental stress because they receive a lot of proposals after a certain age. Aunties and relatives come to their parents with several marriage proposals and it’s normal in my country. It seems the marriage tension of relatives and aunties is more than the parents of ladies. I can understand it well as I also have as sister, but I am here to protect her from that kind of stress. So, that’s the reason she doesn’t need to go to this kind of thing as long as I am at home. On the other hand, in my case I don’t need to face such a situation. As a male person I don’t need to face so much stress like ladies, but it doesn’t mean there is not pressure such a kind of thing.

Several times my parents brought the topic in front of me about my marriage, and they are indirectly telling me to be prepared to get married. During the time of breakfast, lunch or dinner time such a conversation comes up. I think they are just holding themselves back because I am not the jobholder. They would give me pressure if I were a jobholder. I think this year I am going to search for a suitable job for me, and I will try to ensure to get one this year. So, the question is, am I afraid of getting married? I think I am not afraid of getting married because it is a beautiful thing as long as the partner is the right one.

But I want to get married the way I want. I know my parents have already started to think about whom to invite and whom to not and it’s kind of normal. But I need to change some of their thoughts before I get married. When I get married, I need to be responsible for her, and I need to protect her from various kinds of things that actually happens by the name of tradition. I don’t care about traditions which are not good. Dowry system is one of them. I already told my parents not to dream of getting a single penny as a form of dowry as I am strongly against it. In face several times my mom quarreled with me because of the debate. My siblings might feel it funny as we quarreled for such a thing with will happen in the future. But I think it was necessary because change of mentality is not something that can happen overnight. Whoever comes to my life as my wife, she should not face any unreasonable difficulties which usually faces in other houses.

I don’t care what’s happens in other houses but in my house, my wife should be treated the way I want, and I don’t allow my parents to disrespect my wife. You may think that I am a rebellious parent but it’s actually opposite. I was the most obedient one till childhood, but I know when and where to draw boundaries. I won’t take the side of parents for sure if my parents are on the wrong side. I know parents play emotional cards many times, but I am the one who hates most if someone tries to blackmail emotionally and I show the opposite reaction they expect. So, right at the moments from time to time I am just showing my parents what will happen in the future. I am just helping to change their mindset. Sometimes, they may feel bad but for long term considerations it’s good for them to know how I will react in the future which will help them not to push me in the difficult situation, and it will be good for avoid conflict.

As a male person, the only thing that can give stress is the financial things. In a marriage, it costs a good amount of money and right now I don’t think I am prepared financially for marriage as I don’t have the desire to get married using my parents money. Hehe, it seems I said a lot related to marriage. Actually, I am not an emotional person who usually take stress for any things. So, the stress of marriage is almost nothing to me and I will be the one who will decide everything related my marriage.