Discovering My Worth: My Story Of self-Respect.

Huhm, this happened about two months ago, we just returned from a catering work, it was a very stressful journey, I was tired, sick snd hungry, we did the usual by offloading our loads and equipments from the bus and was just about sitting to rest, just then this woman came (she's our boss, but she did not follow us to this particular event), she started shouting and yelling around, saying odd languages and cursing....at me.

She picked up one of the coolers we offloaded and almost threw it at me....You call this clean, are you blind, what's this rubbish, are you insane, did I borrow money from you to get it, useless fuul.....

I was shocked, sincerely, this woman is someone I trust and like, she do tell me I'm family to her and all, but that day, in front of people she yelled and poured her angers on me. I was pained cause of everyone who went for the event to work for her, I was the only one who returned to her place, it was rainy so everyone had dropped in places close to their house. I returned to her house to make sure all our utensils are safe and complete and that by morning we would start washing and cleaning it all.

This woman did not even appreciate me....while thinking all of that, I just heard a sound very close to my leg, she angrily flew her powebank st me, but it missed me, she was shouting and accusing me of things I never did, is this woman angry before, must I be at the receiving end, I never said we won't wash or clean the things we used, but after a long and stressful journey......I just stood there trying to understand what was happening.

I was moved to talking, I wanted to explain myself, even though I thought it wasn't necessary, this is something that's so obvious, am not a stranger to her, there sre times we would return late in the night and would be busy cleaning and arranging till day break, there are times I won't be feeling well but I won't want to show it so as not to weigh others down...but I just kept mute....it felt somehow.

I stood there shaking, I was embarrassed and felt powerless, more like I had been stripped emotionally. And, some of her relatives were around and her children, including her own mother, some older women who do assist us in cooking for events are also there, nobody stepped in to caution her, this are the people who do praise me and all, it was then I realize that not everyone who claps for you in public will protect you in private.

I couldn't sleep that night, it just kept replaying in my head and I questioned everything.I dipped my head into my pillow and cried, was I a fool, I was only being good and kind, on a norms that work was meant to be done by different people, or better still she would pay us differently for that, but I felt she was family, I was carrying it all and doing everything, aside the fact that am a graduate, she made me feel like I was a fool.. someone who gave too much and never asked for anything in return.

After crying and all, I had thought it over so well, I know my worth too, and I know I didn't deserve that...when it was morning I didn’t go back to her house, I didn't say sorry, I didn’t reply her messages and I didn’t even give her any explanations. I didn’t defend myself or anything, I just disappeared, I quited and I chose myself.

There are times that the best thing you can do for yourself is just to exit, that's the best respect you can give to yourself, fighting back, explaining, engaging your fists and all are not needed, they can even worsen/elongate the problem....just exit.

She's not the only caterer I work for, she's just the most closest one to me. Not that I haven't been working again, I have but not with her, there are times are manager would call to inform me about work and I would tell them am not interested, I have told them I ain't working with her again....she called me at a time not to apologize but to still give excuses...Maybe they thought it was a joke, but have made my decision, and that's it. I now work for others who of a truth rarely have works or events to go for, unlike her who's always booked every week and month. But still, I was okay, self-respect matters to me.

Theres something about emotional wounds, they are usually deeper than physical ones, and their bruises and scars are that sense of betrayal. I was happy I stayed calm and didn't utter a word back at her, it show's its not that I am weak, I just took the best way to handle it. And I am not stupid because I gave her chances, she mistook my kindness for something else, and this not being proud, she would definitely feel it....I know and she knows what I do for her. It was hurting, so leaving was for my healing.

On that day, I met that version of me I never knew existed. I doubt if I will ever forget that day, they are two actually, would share the other another time, so make sure to stay tuned and glued to my blog. contents.

All pictures are mine.

Thanks for taking your time to read through, kindly do well to stop by my blog for more amazing, educative and exclusive contents.

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