Adjusting To A New Me: The Activities That Became Memories.

There are whole lot of things I used to do without even thinking, those things that made me feel alive and free. But life, life as it alwasy does steps in and made me reconsider those think I once took for granted, the shift came after I underwent some medical procedures. Before then, I was the type to embrace certain physical activities without a second thought. Running, working(tiling), I love doing house chores too, carrying buckets, mopping, cooking, carrying heavy things and all, just to prove to myself that strength was there. But when your body gets cut open, not once or twice or even thrice, and you get stitched back together everytime, even aside that you are told, you will know and your body will tell you that you need to be very careful.

And iy’s not just about the physical restriction, its also the mental weight of knowing that even though I feel fine on the outside, something inside of me is now different. There was a time I absentmindedly tried to lift a bucket full of water like I always did, only for a sharp pain to remind me that my body is not same again as before. That was the day I truly understood what it meant to be limited, not by lack of will but by necessity.

I love playing football too, and after some time that I had my operations, it was after about two years, I thought then that everything will be much better now, and I should be able to do certain things, so this time I went not as a spectator but as a player, I played, and during the play, the pain came, as I am running I felt sharp pains, I just overlooked it and thought maybe its cause its been a while, but after the match, it was nothing to write home about, I blamed myself for going to play, it was just too much of a pain that landed me back in the hospital.

Now, certain activities are distant memories. I haven’t played football in a long time, and it’s not because I don’t want to. I just always remember the pain and the fact that its not everyone I can tell am not fine so they won't push or tackle me with strength.

There are certain things I also tried doing some months back, I went to visit my brother, and I did some not hard work, just fetching water and some little task, but still, I get tired easily, feeling some sharp pains too and all, and I never wanted to turn lazy, have always been hardworking, but this new me, is now very lazy, though I still try the little I can and not be to hard on myself.

Even traveling, yes, I can't travel in an overfilled bus, such that would cramp us all together, and I won't have the liberty of stretching or just being myself, if its one that would make me sit tightly, camped together, I won't even bother going, and I can't sit for long hours too, not to talk of the bad roads and potholes.

Well, its been years now, and I have come to know and understand myself better, its not about what I can do or can't do, its about adjusting, learning and doing the little I can.. I shouldn't feel as if I have lost myself. I still find joy in little things like writing and all, even though I can't do much, I still pray and dream big. But I can't deny that some things have changed, and I have fully accepted that.

But maybe one day, I will be free again. Maybe I will be able to play, maybe I will be able to return to my handwork(tiling), maybe I will be able to lift things without hesitation... Or maybe I won't. Either way, I’m learning that change, even that which feels unfair, doesn’t have to mean loss. It can possibly mean rediscovery and I think that is a lesson worth holding on to.

All pictures are mine.

There are various entries organized by @leogrowth.
This post is in collaboration with the @hivenaija community and an entry to day 2 of #marchinleo in #inleo,I am inviting you to also check it out,so as to partake in various interesting writing prompts.

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