I Have Started Self-Publishing on Amazon KDP

Last week, for an April Fools' Day post, I made a faux announcement attributed to @lasseehlers about a flat Earth cookbook he supposedly wrote. Of course, there is no real flat Earth cookbook. However, that post did contain a kernel of truth.

I was the one who actually published a book on April 1st.

The book I published on Amazon KDP is The Art of Punching Sharks by Sun Tzu. It's a parody of The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Both books contain thirteen chapters, and The Art of Punching Sharks is written in a similar style to the original.

Don’t worry about buying a copy if you want to read it—there are two ways to access it for free:

1. Kindle Unlimited – If you have a Kindle Unlimited subscription, you can read The Art of Punching Sharks at no extra cost. And if it’s not your thing, the subscription gives you access to thousands of other ebooks.

2. Wait three months – The book is currently enrolled in KDP Select. After the 90-day exclusivity period, I’ll opt the book out of Amazon’s program and start releasing each chapter as a YouTube video.

There weren't enough pages for a hardback version of the book. If there is any interest I might pad the book with extra graphics for an April 1, 2026 hardback release.

This is how chapter one begins:

Chapter 1: Apex Planning

1. Sun Tzu said: The art of punching sharks is of vital importance to mankind.

2. It is a matter of life and death, a path to either oceanic dominance or watery ruin. Hence, it is a subject that no puncher may neglect.

3. The art of punching sharks is governed by five constant factors, which must be considered in all underwater engagements when determining the conditions of battle.

4. These are: (1) The Mighty Fist; (2) The Waters; (3) The Beach; (4) The Punchmaster; (5) Training and Technique.

5. The Mighty Fist unites all punchers under a single cause: to ensure humanity's dominion over the sea.

6. With unshaken resolve, all punchers strike without hesitation, fearless in the face of fins and teeth.

7. The Waters signify tides and currents, visibility and murk, the difference between calm seas and storm-churned depths.

8. The Beach comprises distance to and from shore, depths great and small, zones of security and peril and the ever-present struggle of life and death beneath the waves.

9. The Punchmaster embodies wisdom, precision, courage, and relentless discipline in every strike.

10. By Training and Technique, we mean the mastery of shark-punching forms, the coordination of punchers in battle formations, the establishment of supply chains to keep fists fresh, and the management of resources to sustain long-term shark-punching campaigns.

11. These five elements must be understood by all who seek victory. Those who grasp them shall reign supreme over the ocean; those who ignore them shall sink beneath the waves.

12. Therefore, when preparing for battle, compare these conditions in the following manner:

Why The Art of Punching Sharks?

The Art of Punching Sharks is referenced in an SCP Foundation story titled "10:30 a.m.," but until now, there hasn't been an actual book by that name. It's similar to how, in the Sherlock Holmes canon, certain cases are mentioned but never fully written out by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Over time, other authors have created non-canon stories to fill in those gaps.

I know this is a novelty and niche book that probably won’t sell more than a few copies at most, but it’s also a great starting point to help me understand the workflow for publishing other books on Amazon KDP in the future.